I Want To...

[Ohverride]

As I sit here in a meditative state, it only just occurs...
I'm afraid.
I've been scraping my dream together.
Scraping strength up from the bottom, dredging it all up.
Making efforts, and yet...
It's still not enough, I'm still strong enough.
Now, even now, I find myself terrified of losing someone.
Losing someone to something I'd wished someone else had taken care of.
-
I'm just so scared.
He is my father, he is the king.
The man I trust.
I'm afraid, I'm afraid.
The heroes are all dying. The sky is so dark.
I'm afraid...
There has to be others to take their place, but it's so hard to see any...
What do I do? What do I do?
I can't tell anyone. I can't show anyone.
I think I am starting to understand the technique, and yet...
I just don't understand if it is enough.
I'm still weaker than the king himself.
So how can I protect him?
-
I'm angry.
Hate was so seldom, but my brain is filled with brutal futures.
I feel the strong desire to hurt these things that I hate.
To torture them and split them in half.
I'm angry because I am surrounded by exclusively misfortune.
Misfortune alone.
I'm afraid.
I'm angry.
Because I'm the end, there's nothing I can do for Sunsets to make her believe herself.
Nothing I can do to make her believe that she could live up to some fake standard that was invented...
In the mind of the doubtful.
So here I am, meditating.
Hoping I can get it right this time.
My body floods with cosmic energy...
I am thinking I can get it right this time...
-
My enemies think I'm far too below them to be hated.
I am so angry.
So, so, angry...

[Ohverride]

Die.
My chest hurts.
I love being loved. I hate being hated.
Nobody actually thinks highly of me...
The people that do are disappointed in me, now...
I...
I am afraid.
I want to make people's dreams come true, but one mistake and now I live in a nightmare.
People... Will start treating me like I'm nothing...
I don't want to be hated.
I want to be loved.
-
But I can't do anything so magnificent...
I can't be a primordial of life.
I can't...
It hurts.
Can I do anything?
Somehow, it hurts for real.
Sometimes I wonder if what I did was right.
To myself.
Should I show myself around?
I'll just sit in this tower, in my tower...
Maybe...
Someone, please help.
I need someone to tell me it'll be okay, after what I did...
-
I need help.
I need help.
I need help.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm afraid of myself.
I have nobody to curl up upon and cry to.
No siblings.
No family.
No...
My dream is all I have.
It's starting to feel empty.
I'll...
Get better, won't I?
People will forgive and forget...?


OHHHHH GODDDDD!!!!

[Ohverride]

[Ohverride]

Will I ever love again?
No, no... No. Wrong question.
Will anyone ever love me?
Again?
-
-
-
-
I'm feeling so cold.
I thought we had a million more years ahead of us.
I guess my clock was slow.
I love you, Janus.
Jill.
Or whatever you'll call yourself next...

[Ohverride]

Oh. Hello Journal,
It's not been much time since my last entry.
Sometimes I draw in here, and I'm sure that's more charming...
However, recently, I've been thinking a lot. A lot.
Lots of people will forget about those who I loved and died.
A gloomy knight, born in the shadowlands...
A strange girl, dedicating herself against the hidden rot...
A once-witch, standing tall in the name of her forefather...
I remember...
I...
-
I am a legend, all things considered.
I have lived through many things.
Killed a titan, freed from the tower.
Hunted down a Nethradin.
Witnessed and participated in the death of Discord...
Twice.
I've seen gods descend.
I've seen mortals ascend.
And then die.
I was once a lowly cave dweller with nothing.
Now I am Commander.
Champion of Gala.
Chosen of Stars.
Soon wielder of dream magics.
And then, maybe, something even greater.
My legend is tragic, for I am not allowed to love.
Or if I am, perhaps they would have to be spectacular.
For in the face of everything, a plainer sort would simply...
Die again.
But how could I ever make some immortal gal ever smitten with me?
-
I am not enthralled by personal achievement or anything.
Money and power don't appeal, they're just side effects of the things I do.
My heart will break more times, and with my dreams...
I will weave a thread that will keep it all together.
The people around me will hold the spool.
Their thoughts and feelings will become more thread.
It's a bit stupid, maybe.
Misguided.
Desperate.
I am a pathetic little tapestry-maker.
Displaying myself brazenly for all to see, so I may weave for them.
Regardless of my thoughts and feelings.
I am, and will always be...
The Dreamer.
And your dreams will live with me, forever and always.

[Ohverride]

Does nobody take me seriously?
For all I've done for people - for all of my demeanor.
My patience, my joy, my care.
I am treated like an idiot.
A moron.
Promises made and broken.
Things said, things betrayed.
I made OATHS.
I made SACRIFICES.
I learned time and time again in the key moments to suppress it all.
My tears. My rage.
Vaster than the ocean, hotter than lava.
What the Hel is wrong with you?
ANY OF YOU?
Do you think I'm a harmless little creature?
A child?
I am a GOD of my magics when convenient for you!
I am an IDIOT when convenient for you!
I AM A FOOL WHEN NECCESSARY!
ONE DAY! ONE DAY ONE OF YOU WILL GET ON MY LAST NERVE!
AND THEN IT WILL ONLY BE YOUR FAULT!
YOURS!


...But I guess until then...
I'll keep it in check.
Only because I love you all so much.
How unfortunate of me.
How unfortunate, indeed...
A bleeding heart that still holds warmth...
Perhaps I really am the fool.