Bruno pyr Aertas — Third Failure

[Jumpy]

Is there anything worse than being second in life? Being third. Forgotten. Invisible. A third attempt at success and a third failure of it. Much like my siblings I could not carry on what was gifted upon us. Genetics did not bless us. Mankind is but an error. How many people have I met that were plagued with some dysfunction? How many barely live a life for it? Machines are not like us. They stand motionless and await their command before grimly doing their work, neither complaining nor failing at it. I do not believe life would seem so blue had I been built in a workshop.



My grandfather has warned me plenty of times about the world's dangers. My grandmother has taught me to act rationally rather than emotionally. I hope I can redeem my mistakes. It was my birthright and I squandered it. Some will see me as a monster, of that I am certain. But so was she treated as such in the stories she told me at night.

Amelia's ideas have always felt comforting.
I wonder if she realizes the weight we carry.

Cyril always sought to learn more, even when everything ahead was dark.
I wonder if he realizes the dangers of being this bold.

Matryona... knows.
She must. She was the fourth failure. They sent her away.


Further than they ever sent me.

I'm sorry my writing was this emotional. Thankfully no one should find this.

[Jumpy]

The masses would call it a success.
Mankind was built to see victories as a reason to stop thriving for more.
So simple. So easily amused.
I do not envy them.



What occurred to me this morning should have happened thirty-two years ago. By all means do I remain a... failure. A disappointment. Humans have always been fascinated by the idea of claiming life was complete once they have found a mate for their earthly desires and have built a family to ensure their heritage will be passed on.

How foolish.

She is loyal. She is loving. She is the only woman who is fit to be my wife. Were I to stop the day we got married I would be nothing more than a pathetic simpleton. Were I to halt my ascension when our children were born I would be no more than a father figure. Happy?

Of course I am. But mere happiness is only satisfying to those who strive to be nothing more than average.

I have risen above mankind.
I stand above humanity.
And she stands with me.

I will guide humanity to their future.
Unlike the stars, I do not withhold my aid.
Unlike Primordials, I do not demand sacrifice.

With my hands alone I create.
With my hands alone I destroy.
It is only now that I realize...

... one must destroy in order to create.

[Jumpy]

She asked me to kill her. She wanted me to do something that I could never do, that I would never dare to do. There was nothing noble or beautiful about what I did. There was nothing I enjoyed. I cried. I cried for the first time since my sister died. It's all pointless. Everything I've ever done only hurts the people I love, and yet, I must continue. I must keep on. I have to. It's the only way. The world needs to grow, or all I've lost, all I've done, all I've committed will be for nothing.

Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.

Why the fuck did I break everything that I had? How could I do something like that to the woman who loved me through everything? It's... It's for a greater purpose, but is it really worth it? In the end is that what the world wants? Is that what they deserve?

Amelia.
Matryona.
Anastasia.

Can there even be a next one?
Do I have anyone left to hurt love?

Why did I ask for one last dance?
Why?
How?
How could this happen?

Where did I go wrong?!

I... wonder if this is what each and every single one of them had to endure to reach it.
To reach divinity.

Achlys.
Kazfiel.
Azrael.

How much did you all suffer?
How much did you love?
How much did you lose?

If this is the cost of my path, then I can't afford to fail.

Nice to meet you. My name is .