My Pond

[PumkinBumkin]

This is my "pond".

-

It isn't much, but;

It has always been my home

-and my prison

I'm going to drown here one day.

I'm always led to come back here.

The sounds of roosters roosting;

The bleating of the resident sheep.

Annoying...

The bustling activity.

Those who've surrounded themselves with others walking through this place I've called home...

Yet I still feel isolated.

They speak to me.

But I feel as if they're talking to someone else that isn't 'me'.

Yet I'm reminded that this is how it'll be.

That's my 'curse'.

Perhaps this is why I find comfort in the rivers;

Where eating the fish I catch is the only way I have any control in this life of mine.

Another excuse for me to continue hiding away...

You were a 'coward'.

That's how it had been, and a part of me feels that it will forever be such.

I'm tired.

...

I'd like a "river".
It always moves, branching out all over;

Never stagnant.

I could always keep moving forward...
Break free.

Don't be a disappointment
Focus on your goal.

...

This is my "pond"

It isn't much, but;
It's always been my cage
-and the only thing I had ever known.

I'm always led to come back here.
The sounds of others living better than me in this place I call 'home'

Their successes and stories that would allow them to be remembered.

"Fight or be forgotten"'

Yet.

I will remain isolated.
I will never shine like they do on those crystal shores.

I'm going to drown here absolutely...

Or rather, I should have.

But...

My hooks are being removed one by one.

Perhaps I was meant to go deeper...

-

-

"-Just keep swinging....until your iron rusts."

[PumkinBumkin]

-

-
"It's you...Father..."

Did you really look like this?
I've always heard a saying...

-
The eyes are mirrors to our souls.

-
From our ugliest moments,
to our warped expressions,
and even the sheer hatred we can feel for someone.

They are that which reflect the heart.


The same could be said for us perhaps even more.
They reflect our suffering.
Our loneliness....
Yet they symbolize a perpetual curse we simply cannot break.

Just like yours.
To think we could meet again.

"To think I could witness your sorrow first hand."
'Your time will come.'

"To think I could experience your suffering with these eyes of mine."
'They continue to pulsate with a quiet fury.'

...

Your back; and that scarlet, hypnotic gaze were the mirror that allowed me to understand.

As they spun; as I chased you - it left me with more questions than I came here with.
What did you truly want me to do?

Would you still support me if I went down the wrong path?

Or if I remained in that pond.

If I hated you like the rest of them do?
If I grabbed my weapon and slashed at you beneath this tree that hung over us?

-Did you talk to them like this too?

Miko.
Akane.
Genjiro.
Itsuki.

If you just talked to them like you talked to me...

Could they forgive you?
Do they even care about something like this at this point?
Could they love you as I do?
Extinguish your delusions.

               You showed me your youth;

                     The beginning of your pain.

-

-

You showed me the hate you held to those who wronged you;

                                                                                  The beginning of your solitude.

-and most of all; you've shown me why you did it;

The beginning of their resentment.

It's all these things that you left me along with those words that left me wondering...

Could...
 I pick up the pieces of this broken family?
"Do you really want to salvage that?"

Could...
Xuefeng be made into a place you can freely walk without that lingering air of disgust?
When you smiled so genuinely when Miko was born...

Could...
You actually grow old and die surrounded by your children?
Could you be loved by them once more?

I have to think...

You've thought enough.

-I...don't know what to think.
Your quest remains the same.

Should I?
'Dont bother'

You wished for me to find my own happiness.
To find love.

But I simply do not know where to start...

Or rather...I forgot.

I think.

...


The eyes are reflections of our soul.

From our most wretched cries.
To even the gentlest of gazes,
and the emptiest of stares.

They are the window to ones heart.

...

Yet like yours...I have to ask but another question.

-

-


What do they see when they look into mine?

-But I suppose there's yet another saying....

Like father like son.

-

May the day arrive where you can find just one more person who can understand you.

Where you can smile like that day again before you join Genjiro...

-

Father.