YOU LAUGHED WHEN I DIED

[Mouse]

YOU LAUGHED WHEN I DIED, BUT THE FUNNY THING IS

THAT WHEN I CAME BACK, NOBODY WAS LAUGHING ANYMORE.

I DON'T GET IT. I THOUGHT IT WAS SO FUNNY, TO WATCH IT

PIERCE

MY

SKULL

DID YOU NOT THINK IT WAS FUNNY? PERSONALLY, I THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS. HE THOUGHT IT WAS VERY FUNNY TOO. WE HAD A GOOD CHUCKLE ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW.

AFTER IT KILLED ME, THAT IS.

(but did i really die?)

IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WONDER, REALLY, IN THE END,

(i do that a lot now)

WAS IT FUNNY? OR WERE YOU LAUGHING BECAUSE

(it was a little funny)

you really aren't as good a bunch of people as you think you are?

(we already knew this though)

it's okay. i'm not a good person either.

(sometimes i pretend i am)

but the difference is that i don't pretend to be a good person. no, i acknowledge i'm a bad person.

i talked to ysayl the other day. she's a nice woman. aside from trying to set me on fire and kill me. i bet she was laughing too.

she says that she doesn't want to kill me, but in the same breath, uses athelios' purging flames to try and fix me. to kill me.

i bet she watched as i died and was silently thankful for one less headache.

it's okay. i would be too.

at this point i don't even know what i want.

he fell asleep. he doesn't listen to me anymore. he doesn't call for me anymore. he doesn't talk to me anymore. he doesn't want me anymore. he doesn't love me anymore.

business, he said. not pleasure.

i bet he laughed when i died.

just like you did

but nobody is laughing now

nobody except for me, that is.




i think i laughed when i died, too.

[Mouse]

lately, i've been thinking. thinking about a lot of things, really.

i wonder, sometimes, if this whole thing is simply because of the black magic that roils within me.

or if maybe this was really who i was the entire time.

i don't feel like other people feel. i don't care like other people care.

sometimes i hear people talk about death and tragedy, and i feel sad, too,

not because i'm actually sad, but because i think that's how i'm supposed to feel. so i pretend to be.

inside, though, i think i'm laughing.

laughing about how people throw their lives away so easily. laughing at how people care so much.

laughing about how, if things were different, i'd be one of both people.

wouldn't that be FUNNY?

WHEN THEY RIPPED MY ARMS TO SHREDS, I COULD HAVE DIED. AND THE FUNNY THING WAS,

I LAUGHED THE ENTIRE TIME. DESPITE THE PAIN. DESPITE THE AGONY.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT WAS OVER FOR ME, I LAUGHED. SO I LAUGH NOW, TOO.

WHEN THE WOLVES TAKE THEIR LOVED ONES, AND WHEN THE DEMONS BREAK THEIR SPIRITS.

WHEN WAR LOOMS ON THE HORIZON, AND THE SILLY LITTLE PUPPETS DANCE ON STRINGS OF THE DIVINE

I TOLD THEM ALL, THOUGH. I DO NOT SERVE. NO GODS, NO MASTERS.

BUT WHAT DO THEY DO? THEY KEEP FIGHTING THEIR PETTY LITTLE FIGHTS OVER MATTERS THAT

DON'T

ACTUALLY

MATTER

so, i think i'm going to become a mother

not in the traditional sense, but in the metaphysical

i think i can make something really scary. something that will make people truly have to band together.

or, maybe, i'll die alone, in the woods, with nobody around to hear me laugh.



maybe if i'm lucky,

they'll laugh when they die, too.

[Mouse]

they call it a self fulfilling prophecy

-

that you believe something so hard, you end up pushing people to do exactly what you were afraid of in the first place

-

some places call it a witch hunt

-

that might be funny if it weren't so sad

-

first they took me away from me

-

and then they took me away from prospera

-

and then they took arcadia from me

-

why?

-

they look to the others, and they judge for what they have done and what they have said they will do

-

but they look to me, and they judge for their suspicions and worries

-

'witch', they cry, 'servant of chaos', they decree, and maybe they're not wrong

-

but maybe they are

-

and they refuse to listen to me when i say i do not lie, i only tell the truth

-

after all

-

IT'S ONLY FUN IF EVERYONE PLAYS BY THE RULES

-

LIARS MAKE THING SO COMPLICATED. HALF TRUTHS MAKE THINGS EVEN WORSE.

-

I TELL THE TRUTH NOT BECAUSE I'M SCARED OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF LYING

-

BUT BECAUSE THE CONSEQUENCES OF TELLING THE TRUTH ARE SO MUCH MORE FUN

-

WHO AM I? THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION

-

WHAT AM I? THAT'S A BETTER ONE

-

BUT WHEN I TELL THEM THE ANSWERS, THEY THINK ME A LIAR, A FRAUD

-

THEY COMPARE ME TO THE THIEF, THEY COMPARE ME TO THE MONSTERS IN THE NIGHT

-

MAYBE I AM WORSE

-

MAYBE I AM BETTER

-

BUT IT WON'T EVER REALLY MATTER

-

BECAUSE IN THE END, AS I PLEAD MY LIFE STORY, MY WORLD, MY DESPERATION TO THE MASSES

-

THEY LOOK TO ME, AND THEY SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE

-

AND EVEN THOUGH I TELL THEM THE TRUTH, STILL, YET, THEY CALL ME

-

liar

-

i'm not mad

just disappointed, meranthe

I'm running out of places to go, Meranthe.

A cornered rat will, in fact, bite the cat.

So when someone runs out of cities in alliance, where else are they to go?

w h e r e e l s e

a r e t h e y

t o g o

. . .