I Want To...

[Ohverride]

To have someone fall in love with me.
Not only that, but know me.
It seems somehow, I can't have both - it's not fair, journal.
I look down at my hands, and the spaces between my fingers feel...
Like someone else's should be there, too.
It's a beautiful emotion, isn't it?
Maybe I should give up trying to find such a strong emotion for myself.
I am wealthy on the inside, after all...
Don't get greedy, Kakku.
-
My body's getting worse, somehow.
I don't know who I'd tell, or how I'd tell them.
It's like a part of me - a part of my magic is
not mine?
As if in fights, I'm being piloted on occasion.
I think there's something else in there, but
I can't tell anyone. It'll go away.
I think there's somehow too much light in my soul.
I need something comfortable and dark once in a while
before I blind myself or something.
I drew what I thought I might look like in some years of this being unchecked.
I can't imagine it would feel good.
I can't find white. I'll just use chalk.
I've gotten a lot better, at least...
-
I don't think I could ever choose how to feel.
Nowadays I am starting to just feel.
So, so strongly.
I have to keep it in, though.
Release it when nobody is around.
But never hate, I could never hate anyone, even if I say so.
No, that's not hate.
That's fury in there.
But it's not the end of the world.
Things ALWAYS get better, even if I can't help how I feel.
-
Sorry about that last one, journal.
There's something strange that happened to me somewhere down the line.
I think, once in someone's life, they have to be held
and I missed the boat?
I don't know, my brain is like a searing, golden comet.
Gold. So much gold. That's probably what my star will look like.
North-pointing compass, a full heart, corundum horns.
Biblos, if you can hear me, I sure hope you're excited to meet me.
I don't want to disappoint you.
I don't want to disappoint anyone.
I need to keep myself together. One day, someone will help me do it, too.
Everyone finds that person who knows their pieces well enough.
-
Despite this, I'm happy that I'm alive.
I'm happy that I have friends.
And yet, sometimes it feels like I'm missing something...
-
If I were to pluck on your heart strings, would you strum on mine?


ow.