The chains that suffocate

[magicschoolbusdropout]

I never complain.  Never once have I.
I aways accepted the fact that I was the black sheep of my family.
I always accepted its them over me.

I followed my heart he got killed. 
No one made sure I was okay but one person.
I cried myself to sleep more nights than I could count.

I found love again and all I do is worry.
No one still checks in on me.
No one even knows my little secret.

I followed my heart again and I am happy.
I've started my own little family.
Are you proud?

Why do these chains still feel like I am suffocating?
Do I have to follow underneath everyone still?
I am my own person arent I?
Did you know I craft or that I paint?

Am I worth  paying attention to? 
From where I stand.. the answer  is clear.
I am not.

[magicschoolbusdropout]

I am starting to Complain
All I show is love and compassion 
All I have ever done is work work work... but-

When will it be my turn?

I have given my whole life to the faith
To pleasing others
But-

When will it be my turn?

I see day by day people being blessed 
Their wings being brought upon them
Their strength that its given but-

When will it be my turn?

Has she not seen the work i supply for her
The endless nights 
The headaches 

When will it be my turn?





Does she not see how much this hurts? It feels like i am wrapped in never ending chains.

[magicschoolbusdropout]

---

Written in a book hidden somewhere in her house. Different entries looking some old and some newer with tear stains placing almost every page.

"At times, Life comes in blurs. I tend to be happy one day and sad the next. I act like things don't hurt me to be strong for those around me but...I think its time to start showing my emotions. I say I am an open book but am I truly? I hide how I feel on a daily bases to everyone...Even my family."

"I am trying...My emotions are slowly coming out but...its not good enough. I am angry at people who do not deserve it. I see that. What am I going to do?"

"In times where so many things are happening. All I want to do is create. Create something new! I want to leave behind something for our children."

"I keep giving and giving. It does not bug me much...But should I be giving so much of myself to others when I don't even give myself....myself?"

"If I die today, Its my fault. I understand my choices make me a target for some. I take full responsibility for my actions in those I have hurt."

"Its not much, My imagination at least. Though, My creativity sprouts more and more everyday. The strength I have to Pull to make sure they are okay creating a world they can be proud to live in."

"I am okay...My emotions are coming together nicely. I am able to control them more. I am there for others again no matter how tired I may get. I hope they see how much love I have for my town and for them."

A lot of emotions have come out. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Just wonder how it has truly changed the writer.

[magicschoolbusdropout]

"Over the years I have learned and ignored the pain of my family dying. I have stayed as strong as I could for my people... There is  only so much before someone reaches a breaking point. I am afraid I have reached it. The bottle of medicine looks better to me than going outside everyday. The endless sleep that means I see my daughter again. To have to bury a family member is one thing but to bury your child? That is a pain I wish on not even my worst enemy. To know she is gone...that another part of me is dead...I would be better dead with them. Why leave a fourth of a person when they could be whole again. I have pretty much lost the god/goddess I have worshiped since I was eleven to now have lost my child...I  am so close to just ending it all and saying goodbye."- Asterin

Cries and screams could be heard from a ship docked in serenity just following the destruction of Londo.

"I am sorry I have failed."-mom

[magicschoolbusdropout]

I lost

You lost

We Lost

You died    

I lived

We ...are not the same

You were good

I was too

In the end...

I gave up

And you were still dead.

Life is to short to play it safe. After all the loss and after all the tears it would be enough to make anyone go a little mad.
Maybe even more than a little-

I will give it all up. I don't want this life anymore. To be a Nephilim-strip me of my blessings. To be your radiant- strip me of my titles. I want none of it if it means i have a moment of silence