why i eat trash

[Swift!]

Record scratch.

Hi.

That's me. Bo.

Eating trash.

I like eating trash. It's a simple joy. Sometimes nobles throw out the craziest things.

I found a gender swap potion in there one time.
Didn't do anything though.

So uh, you're probably wondering, if you're like, a well adjusted person, why do I eat trash?

Well it's free, for one, duh, but there's a certain trial and tribulation one must undergo...-

-to truly appreciate eating trash.

Let me tell you my story.

[One to two years ago, in a continent far far away. Accuracy of events described remain questionable.]



A Kitsune and an Ookami cross eyes, after exiting the demolished side of a bank. Whistles blow in the distance and smoke bellows through the streets of the Barsburgian city. The Kitsune gives a pointed look to the Ookami, lifting their hands into the air, large, weighty bags of currency in each. Bo was the brains of the operation, but relying on another for violence had its downsides. Like being complacent in terrorism, apparently. They kind of wished it was brought up at the club meeting, but there was a feeling there wouldn't be anymore 'Beastkin Super Secret Back Alley Cool Kids Club' meetings in the future.

"Why?"

"Da' fuck yur meanin' why? Yah said blow the place."

"I meant LEAVE. Where did you even get explosiv-"

The sounds of the local guard round a nearby corner, cutting conversation short. Without missing a beat, the Ookami is in free run, ditching the Kitsune for an alley way. As the cries of terror from inside reinforced the severity of their crimes, Bo had the distinct understanding they would soon be joining in departing, else would spend the next twenty years in prison, torture, or worst, military conscription.

"Awh' shittin' me, the watch is here, good luck gettin' breezy mate!"

"I thought you said the watch wouldn't even see us?!"

The blue brat attempts to make a get away, sprinting towards the two guards, juking then running through the middle. A meaty hand reaches out to snag their cloak, the Kitsune stumbling to find find their feet and scurrying even faster. Their pace is set higher than they're normally capable of, vault jumping stall fronts and plowing through piles of boxes. Sure enough, they'd made their way to the port.

"Gothic looking ship...- brooding, like a middle school outcast. What does that even mean?! I hate that damn Ookami."

Ship after ship past by their right, searching through the yard for a specific ship, one of unknown origin, but one they knew was leaving today. In the next few minutes, hel, seconds, if they were lucky. The badgering of the authorities ruffled the market and shipyard behind them, the noise serving as clear reminder of their urgency. At the end of the dock, at the very last turn, they skirt to a halt, nearly plummeting off the side of the wooden platform. A massive flag-ship of a foreign land is departing, its anchor up and already untied and pushed off. A single rope hangs off the back of the boat, a guard standing at the end of the pier, his brow raised in irritation at the bank thief.

"Oh there is no fucking way. I'm not making that jump."

The sound of boots hitting fragile and wet wood ring out behind them, the Kitsune looking between the incoming meat-heads and the one in their way. There certainly wasn't much choice in the matter.

"Makin' what jump?"

An almost mocking question from the guard, as the Kitsune plows into him at full force, shoving him off the side of the wood and into the water. Bo stops themselves short of following the man, then looking to the boat, more than a couple feet away from the dock. The heels of the watch scrap against the wood, similar to their own when they made the corner, putting a pip in the Kitsunes step. They took in a shaky breath and ran with what felt like the power of a thousand marathons at their feet, a long jump is performed, Bo slamming into the side of the ship, but narrowly clinging to the rope in the process.

"HAHAHA! I'm free, you bitch! Free!"

The sound of coins dropping into the water below is heard, the Kitsune's ears twitching and eyes looking down. Both bags were tilted towards the water, leaking all the precious loot from their endeavors into the murky depths below.

"Wait. Wait! WAIT! No. No. No. NO! Not like this!"

Their grubby little fox hands struggle with keeping grip to the rope and securing their bags, knocking one bag off their belt completely in the process. While one is saved, most of its contents were at the bottom of the harbor now. Worst part is, Bo felt someone pulling up the rope, and they were looking down at them.

At least they wouldn't have to go to jail, right?

Oh shoot. Look at the time. I gotta check Francesca's dumpster. They just closed for the night. Haha! Guess you'll find out another time.

They make the best little rice cakes, goes great with a piece of meat from the local swamp wildlife. You ever have mutant? Esshar's delicacy, really.