haunted by color

[I-0]

---

Listen close. Trust it.

This is real,  I promise you, I promise you, I have seen what men believe.

It isn't just smoke. There's something else.

It can't be counted, he swears, casts it in blood - casts the dice.

Haruspex, haruspex.

Faces I've seen before. I swear, please believe in me.

Don't pray to it. It's listening.

A one in a sea of zero breathes the word life, and it becomes so.

There's something else here.

Listened. Heard words these faces never say.

Songbird, haruspex, shards in a mirror staring back.

Turn a page. See parchment shred, bit by bit, throw it into the wind.

Not yours. Not for you.

You aren't them. That isn't you. You can do better.

Look into the shining lights. Count all the red ones.

How many summers since it started?

Fall. Saw edges in fall. Crossed them with a finger. Counted them.

Saw something else.

So reclusive.

Ignored it. Drew blood, kept counting.

Here's another. See through the mist.

How much? The dice are cast.

Listen to it sing.

This is your songbird of bloodstained feathers.

Not in circles, but in spirals.

[I-0]

---

It's getting worse.

It's getting worse it's getting worse it's getting worse

I think it's scratching at me?

I need to kill her.

Please believe me.

This isn't the end of it all. I know.

There's something else here.

Why isn't he here?

I can think when he's here.

It's clear when he's here.

He can understand.

I don't want to be this anymore.

The mirror's wrong.

There's wings under my skin, waiting to break free.

I need to fly.

Head won't stop spinning. In spirals, not circles.

Writing's harder, too.

I am not what she is.

maybe I should have

why does my blood keep scratching me

[I-0]

---

stasis.

dread overwhelming.

why isn't she listening?

i've lived my life for her

why does she smile on parasites before me?

parasites

parasites

parasites

the rot is worse

rot decay rust

breathing dirt in a shallow grave

it's hard to think past all the hate

the thing with my face

the nihilists

heretics

ingrates

sycophants

parasites

those wings should belong to me

[I-0]

---

she listened.

it's easier to think, now.

there's less strain, keeping things in order.

i'm happy.

that's right, isn't it?

something feels off about it.

there were others. converts. cheering. celebrating. they looked so happy for me. but i knew that, deep down, they wanted the wings i was given.

am i happy because my rot has ceased, or am i happy because there's others still decaying? that i have something they don't?

i don't know.

i don't think i should think about it.

[I-0]

---

stubborn iron, rusted red, bile.

the wolves aren't coming, they're here.

lines fade out. you can be free, now. you can be happy.

chasing a bird sailing across the sky as it sings the same songs i once sang.

why is he following me?

why won't he go away?

i don't know what nevermore means.

it's not harder to think - it's just changed.

she did it for so long - why can't you?

stubborn iron, rusted red, bile.

the wolves aren't coming, they're here.

i am the executioner.

let's count the voices. there are six, and there are two.

[I-0]

---

it's been a long time.

i spend all day staring into the mirror.

i don't know what i see.

it's just a shape. a vague shape of a person.

sometimes it looks like her.

i don't know what i see.

there's nothing under this.

every day.

i visit the painting every day.

and every day, i ask if he would be proud of me.

the truth is - no. of course not.

a saint would never smile on --

there's still time.

i can still become better than this.

closer to the sun.

i can be anything i want to be.

besides happy.

i just want to -

why

can't

i

be

happy?

[I-0]

---

a rabbit comes to a crow in the forest.

the rabbit's desperate - lonely, you see - he's had enough of trying to find friends. they always leave, always throw him away.

now, he just wants everyone to be scared of him.

so he asks the crow -

"how do you make a great monster?"

the crow was wise beyond its years, and told the rabbit something awfully simple.

you find the weak - a rabbit, for instance - and torment them.

then, you stop. abruptly.

and give them the power to hurt someone else, just the same.

it's true that i should've dug two graves, when i ventured out.

one for the rabbit, and one for the crow.