[Pin Head]

Oh no.

Oh fuck.

Not this.

Not again.

A large crowd has been summoned in front of the Gilded Heart’s Manor, it would appear that an announcement is about to be made, and not by any member of the guild! No, no. They went out of their way to hire a professional announcer.  One who appears to be reading from a script of sorts.

Clearly, this is an important matter!

“Ladies, and Gentlemen!

I’m sure you’re wondering why you’ve been summoned here! Well, the answer is quite simple.” There’s a slight pause, as the announcer checks the script. “O-One of the-” He stutters.  His gaze shifts away from the scrip, and towards the pink-haired man standing off to the side. “Are you serious?”

There’s a slow nod from the figure on the sideline.

“What the fuck, man.” The Announcer’s gaze shifts over towards the script once more, clearing his throat, as he attempts to compose himself. “Right…. As I was saying, it would appear that one of the wonderful members of the Gilded Hearts, Avilov, is rather lonely, and as such he-” Again, he stutters. “H-He would like to buy…”

There’s a silence.

Complete, and utter silence from the announcer, as he frequently glances between his script and the man on the sidelines. He hesitates to speak, but eventually finds the mental fortitude to do it.

“He would like to purchase a girlfriend.

…

No. I don’t care how much you’re paying me, I can’t do this.”

The script is thrown on the ground, and the announcer simply walks off, clearly frustrated by the whole ordeal, which is when Avilov takes to the stage, slicking his hair back as he does so.

“Hello. I’m Avilov. I’m rich, live in a massive manor (for all the ladies in the audience), and I play a mean lute. Send all of your applications to Izzie or Johannes, please, and thank you. They're usually at the manor!”

After that, he simply walks off, but not before uttering.

“As a man far greater than myself once said.

Also, I’m not going to erp you. Don’t make this weird.”

Some flyers are tossed off the stage, and with it, the apparent prices for a GF are on full display. Jesus Christ. 

“Prime GF: 20,000 crowns
Lapine: +2500 crowns
Kitsune: +5000 crowns
Razuka: +10000 crowns 

Teraphim: You give me 500 coins.
Tomboy: +20000 crowns

Note: 

Must be single.
Must be 18+
No Ogre gfs.
No… No Genderswapped GF…

Only one of you can win!

Wow!

God this is cursed.

[ferrettamer]

Dullahan. 6'1. Composed of many spirits, some of which are probably pretty good waifus. I am technically within the wording of this offer, so if no one else answers the call, you are legally obligated to accept.

I will be expecting the Prime GF price within three months.

[Oyster.]

My name is Perosa.

Though you don't know it yet, you are already my boyfriend.

I will allow you to have others, but you need to run it past me first, okay?

Please stop trying to lock your room.

[SilkiyTea]

Another announcement shortly follows, the words of a tiny angry looking masked midget.


"Stop littering the Manor grounds with your applications. Come to the Gilded Hearts and see if I'm available for proper application processes."
"Every application sent via PARCHMENT, will be a dock against your 'Prime GF' rating. You've been warned."

"And fuck you Avilov."

[Lombard]

Though the applications may have been officially closed in dissuasion of a flood of requests, one imposes itself through sheer volume of contacts and viral spread.

Plus, those men in the black suits wouldn't let it go unheard, no.

"Sir Avilov, I am hereby penning to offer a most rare and nigh invaluable "gf" for your so-called collection in the works...!"

ATTACHED FILE: DEPICTED - GF IN QUESTION.

"Her name of course is Remilia pyr Docro, my beloved older sister. A most exquisite emeraldine gem of the west, of which exist only two of a kind!"

"She's well educated, clever, self-asserted, and might just have the added spice your ever so lonesome heart may need to remedy itself!"

"Whereas her age mightn't be of your specified requested number, I would beg you reconsider! And instead, do think of this as an investment! As one would otherwise buy a vineyard, sit, and wait for the ripe grape to simmer and age to perfection."

"A beyond-prime GF, sure to blossom in the days to come. I recommend you take my offer, from businessman to businessman, muack... c'est exquis, a duchess in the making, if one exists!"

ASKING PRICE: 25,000.

PEN A LETTER TO LAZAV PYR DOCRO TO FURTHER NEGOTIATIONS.

[Spicy Serious]

Once quiet rumor had spread of a certain...applicant. Another one seems to stem forth. The wording is a mite bit strange, almost...competitive. Several large, uncomfortable Vanirhallan warriors helping ensure the letter arrives properly.

"'Sir' Avilov. I realize that your help has requested in-person applications. But if others have decided to create a stir with a little letter, then I thought I may as well! I of course write offering a very luxurious 'gf'..."

The portrait included with the letter

"Myself. Ragnhild Sionnach, High Priestess, Lorekeeper, Elder ecetera ecetera of Aesirheim."

"I'm certain a businessman such as yourself recognizes real value when he sees it."

The letter explains nothing more, nor elaborates further. Merely stating a demand of twenty five thousand coin and ending as soon as it began.

[SilkiyTea]

No.

The portcullis was never unlocked, was it? No, and so too did it remain locked.

Every letter, every advertisement, every attempt beyond that of /message a skilled carrier bird was met with the gilded gate and its opulence.

A presence which remained wholly unyielding as it did self-indulgent.

It all ends in the same hands. The enigmatic Gatekeeper of few words and even fewer appearances whom all direct letters were appointed to.

The look in her eyes could be called unamused at best, hateful at worst.

But both letters are exchanged to her, and copies made for the Head of the House, Johannes. Would Avilov receive them in good tidings?

Possibly.

But one thing is made abundantly clear.

No name held enough weight to her,
Nor any amount of NPC basic warrior-strength could get past her.

It'd require a PC magus approaching the portcullis to even attempt to do so.

Any further applications sent through a similar fashion are met with the same silence and mildly annoyed glower when taken by the small door woman.

[Marin]

A somewhat nice letter with a bow would be set there for them to read if they ever got to it, smelling of honey and vanilla.

"Hoi!

Is am named Tamiko, like be able meet even if just for tea stuff and cakes! Tamiko like cook, is like make honey garlic pork chops and lime pepper steak cuts!

Is am would be happy hang out, is happy be friend if like!

Hugs and Kisses,

Tamiko"

In the letter is an attached picture of the older smiling Kitsune.