Breaking Point

[NikolaNeiju]

"Life is hard, all of us fall from grace, and most of us rise up from the ashes, like a phoenix. But where does this lead us? To a better future? More suffering? I don't know anymore..."

"..."

"Ha..."

"Sometimes, I miss, this voice... In my head."

"I didn't feel as lonely when it talked to me."

Snapping out of the daydreaming, he continues writing.

It's been... 9 years? Since I've made my escape, just a few months and it will be an anniversary. I'm nearly 30 years old, and... What I had accomplished? Sure, maybe I'm a psychologist, I helped a lot of people, both non-magi and magi alike, helped my friends with struggles. But is it selfish to say that I couldn't help myself? I saw so many friends of mine perish horribly. I barely have any friends left. It's ironic, sort of.

I always thought that dying was a selfish choice, because I would leave so many of my friends devastated, but at this point. What do I have to lose? If I die, then it doesn't matter already, right? As soon as my soul leaves this body, it's over, right? This pain... It all will be over, right? I hope so at least... I tried everything, honestly. Drugs, potions, wine, I tried to find a love- a soulmate. And all of it failed... I failed. So why should I keep suffering, don't I deserve better? After everything I've been through?

"Come on, why doesn't this work?"

"Dwelling in self-pity, writing those pointless things and venting my emotions on paper. It worked, it... Always have..."

Taking a sharp exhale, he holds his head.

"I think I'm starting to rust and decay... I feel like I'm reaching my limits, my breaking point, yet somehow I feel calm...?"

In fact, he did feel calm, he felt peace. And only peace. He wasn't sad anymore, he wasn't happy anymore, he wasn't angry anymore.

There was only peace, before the storm.