f r e q u e n c y | f r e q u e n t l y

[Mali]

raindrops and la(ughter)vender

~~~~~

do you care?
do you notice something different?
is something in the air....
that makes it hard to breathe?

don't want you to know
know where my mind's been
been so many places..
places you've never been
it's like i'll never find
find the words to say.
say we'll have it all
but all that i've been thinking is..

how am i supposed to leave him?
giving me like no good reason,
telling me i'm all he needs and-
loving me's what gives him meaning...

how am i supposed to leave him,
when staying here is so damn easy?
why am i still over thinking...?
i'll . . . stay here . . .

f o r    t h e   t i m e    b e i n g.

frequency frequently,
as i release these
frequencies, speak to me.
every note, i'll listen up, please
don't keep from me.
as i release these frequencies...

"oh~."

[Mali]

thunder and (light)ning

w h e n
i walk into the rain
i can hear the intimate
whisper, much like lavender
much like pain
much more like...
y e a r n i n g.
it says.

"m a k e."

"l o v e"

"t o    m e."

if a flower bloomed

in a dark room

would you trust it?

[Mali]

V i o l e (N ) t    ( D e ) l i g h t s

i do not see in red when i am angry
i see in
l i l a c s    and    l a v e n d e r
petals and rosemary,
chrysanthemums and stargazers,
Nightshade and Belladonnas.
the whispers, they

~~~
are intimate
are begging
are begetting
"see"- pain, ecstasy, pleasure, pain
"smell" - apples, cherries, pain
"taste" - breathe in, breathe out, pain
"touch" - still can save my grace.
~~~

reach your ears, smooth like velvet, sweet as chocolate. my touch lingers, powerful, royal - my fingertips leave amethyst jewels in their wake. the taste of me lingers on the tip ~ of my tongue. "I can taste me ~ I can almost t̵a̴s̸t̵e̷ ţ̶̢̢̻̼̦̹̽̋͗̕a̸̢̨̛̬͛̌s̵̛̠͙̻͚̬̼͈̹̏̂̀̚t̶̢̜͕̑̓̀é̷̼̒́̕ t̷̨̲̞͍̳̺̬͉̗͖̮̦̺͍͍̲̘̬̲͚̯͂͂̌̈́͋͂̈̓͒̌̓̿̆̿͛̕̕͝ͅͅa̵̡̛͚̪̩̦͎̦̪̭̹̱̘̬͔̲̠̹̅͑̆͝ͅͅş̴̻̩̦̜͍̱̜͂̂͊̍̂̈́͘͝t̵̨̙̩͕̱̻̭͈̫̝̳͍͈̹̀̂͐͑̒͐̀͒̿͊̓̊̚͜ë̷̛̤͖̯̟̫̤̳̯͓́̀̂̀̈́ͅͅ you." as the sweet smell of ambrosia feels, fells, fills you. me. us. ~ "I see it." Two souls fading into one, the glimmering, violet light dimming and my body, hovers above yours. Our legs, entangled. nails raking along your chest. tongue-in-cheek, tongue passing over bloody teeth, tongue - caught in speech and i smile.

as my violet light consumes thee.

"I want to hear every scream..."

[Mali]

rain(drops) on glasses

viole(N)t invocation

nature has its own sound

an accompaniment found in my body,

opulence, brilliance, the birds song is my voice,

the crescendo, the wind that spills past my lips,

a soft, melody that raises into a spill of winds,

tornadoes, hurricanes.

and the flowers, my soul...a hum, a mere whisper amongst the,

s e l f - (d e s t r u c t i o n )

lightning,
lilacs and lavender
raindrops and thunder
manic and mania
viole(nt)
scatters just before
the spill

"i am in love." a choir sings, a thin, soft melt dripping off of this choir girl's tongue.

"i am in love." a prophetic tale that begged for the rain, the flood, the drowned.

"i am in love." a cycle of three, a promise given to the almighty.

and even though these pages turn
when the wind caresses my face,
when the soft clicking of innocence strolls by,
tip-tapping, tip-toeing, drip-dropping in water,
i hear the promise of the down pour, and for that, I know that..
"You are....Real."

because i asked to suffer

for forgiveness.

when my head became heavy i asked

for pain,

and when i fell, i begged for the rain,

and thunder

and lightning

and floods

and violet

to wash my sins away.

be with me, frequently

bless my situation, give me love.

bless the situation, let them know.

know that you love,

know that there's love..

[Mali]

End(less)

I fell into my mind twice

searching, metal fingers picking

parts of me that i'd like. life

became a contradiction - real, but also

false.

a demimonde that existed in reality

and my mind. And each time I'd wake up,

I'd realize that my

suffering

wasn't

enough.

i asked god for more so that I could be

forgiven, and he gave it. Everything

ached. Every sin dripped from fangs

like venom and I died...twice.

and just before the third, he held me close.

and while i screamed of my rights, he said

"You have the right to live."

and Together, we held each other

and Together, we awoke.

waarm, dizzy, aimless, much like an infant.

i was born again

but before i became coherent, he

told me that this was my last chance.

this

is

my

last

c h a n c e

laugh, live, love.

and i've loved and lived,

but i've yet to laugh.

know that while these posts are generally evil, i've tweaked them

from the original to fit the character better. in any case...

i wasn't supposed to be here, had a very slim chance at living but..

i made it.

it wasn't easy, no really...It was extremely difficult...but i'll spare you

the gritty details of how i came back, at the very least, a spiritual/mental level.

and in all honesty, my creative outlet, writing is what brought me back to speed.

im not sure when I'll be back though. (could be today! tomorrow! a week...a month..or never!)

but in the event that I do...it'll be cute, but anyways. . . back to the point.

know that that I...lo-...

absolutely hate you guys and having a near-death experience won't change that.

not even a slim one.

but i do appreciate you(maybe), but thank you for the laughs.

thank you.

[Mali]

About Time

in the wake of a storm
in the life of lavender,
i've lived and died a hundred times, you've watched me
open, bloom, wilt, rot,
and start over, you've watched me
again, and again, and again, and again.
and each time, my time, measured in light
final breathes, finding, losing...time
giving so much and then taking everything away
and i wonder, this time, next year...what will it look like?
with my guesses so often, so wrong, i wonder..
what beginning, what 'end' waits for me.
will i have accepted the things that i cannot change?
will i have changed the things i cannot accept?
this time, next time, about time.

i ~ will not stand in the way of what we can become.

i  ~ know that this is a way to everlasting love.

(sabrina claudio)