Silence is Silver-Lined

[yallew]

It’s hard for me to write. It’s hard to say goodbye. It’s hard to stay strong. I don’t know how dad did it while he was part of the Order; I don't know how any of our family does.

All I know is that we have to be, even if we feel like crying, even if our oaths and creeds strain against the weight of it all.

Someone has to be the armor that can protect them while they grieve.

Yet it’s hard to do so when I can still see you around Osrona. I sat at the spot we fished at recently, y’know? Fished for the first time in years since I climbed the echelon like my ancestors. I can still remember the chat we had, I can still see that straw hat in the crowds at times as well, I can still hear you.

A lot of people can.

Do you remember the promise we made back in front of your apartment? Aristidis, yourself, and I? A sword, a shield, and the armor for Osrona to call upon in  their time of need; The first squad of the Order in such a long, long time only at the age of 15. We never even made a name for it.

Let’s not forget about Luc, either, or the time we fought that Witch in the Dreadwoods. You showed me that mercy is the correct option at times. That werewolf who bit me was still a man, and if we were to kill him what would his family say? The shopkeeper, even, would he grieve just as much as I?

I don’t get how you do this. I don’t get how you stay consistently kind and forgive those that would harm you. It’s what we did, by the way, or at least we’re trying. Alre and Lando wanted them dead. I did too, I’m sure Aristidis did as well.

Yet I pushed for them to be forgiven. Lando let them go with the meanest punch I think I’ve ever seen beyond my mother’s own bare hands.

I’m still getting over it. I’m still talking to you, even, through your weapon when I get to see it every now and then. We’re going to throw you a funeral so I hope you watch from wherever you are. We'll put you in the Vault of Heroes, I'll make sure of it. I’ll visit your grave like the others I visit every day.

I wish my oath brother was still here, though.

How do you do this, Delun?

What do I do without my shield?

"He'd be proud."

"You did sublime Alexander, a true hero."

"It's not your fault."

"I'm proud of you, Alexander."

"You saved him."

It should've been me.