Shooting Stars

[Cynthia]

"We're so happy, even when we're smiling out of fear."

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I can feel it inside of me. The feeling of the stars poised and ready to aim, touching every motion like they bless me. Every action, inaction, it swells inside of my chest like I can't hold it anymore. I told someone that I don't want to be beneath of any constellation's heel, and I know I meant it. We broke away years ago, became an objective for other families to erase. So, where do I start looking if not looking toward the normal and easiest thing?

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Maybe that's why it grows. Bigger, badder than anything I've ever experienced. I can keep it cool, but the more I hear about people's battles and the ones that I'll get to experience in 'due time', when I am 'old enough'... It stirs inside of me, restless. If I become afraid of it, though, I'll cave into the first supposed 'best thing' for me. That's, as my father would say, unbecoming of young lady. To be poised, refined is the goal, but the freedom I've felt when traveling around is also a feeling that catches me on a hook.

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But I'm worried about these feelings of freedom, where they come from. Promises of freedom aren't real, I know that. Only I can make it for myself at the end of the day, but I am bound by family, by magic, and by the unrelenting desires within me. The only thing I can hope for is a direction to everything that I feel. Making one does not prove to be easy, I can say that. Especially when you do not want to copy the things that have come before you.

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Seeing the connections between others and the strength of their blood makes me question my own. The people I have come across, I want to see flourish. I'm sure I'll meet enemies, too. I just have to give it time.

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I hope that when my moment comes, I don't fall completely flat.

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