How to Save a Life

[Milly]

When we are dying

Or have suffered a catastrophic loss,

We all move through five distinct stages of grief.

We go into denial

Because the loss is so unthinkable,

We can't imagine it's true.

We become angry with everyone,

Angry with survivors,

Angry with ourselves.

Then we bargain.

We beg.

We plead.

We offer everything we have.

We offer up our souls in exchange

For just one more day.

When the bargaining has failed

And the anger is too hard to maintain,

We fall into depression, despair,

Until finally we have to accept

That we have done everything we can.

We let go.

We let go and move into acceptance.

To do our jobs,

We have to believe that defeat is not an option,

That no matter how hopeless the war gets,

There's hope.

But eventually when our hopes

Give way to reality

And we finally have to surrender to the truth,

It just means we've lost today's battle,

Not tomorrow's war.

Here's the thing about surrender:

Once you do it,

Actually give in,

You forget why you were even fighting

In the first place.

[Milly]

Disappearances happen.
Pains go phantom,
Blood stops running,
And people,
People fade away.

The Lightbringer returned and people rejoiced.
That's what was in my head, anyway. It wasn't quite the feeling I received however.
I suppose that was my fear - the rumors, who knew who believed what?
Yoshiko's words didn't help the tension running through my body.
A year spent trapped in Osrona - and for what?

There's more I have to say,
So much more.
But I've disappeared.

I hate this story.
We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future,
trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will
somehow cushion the blow.
But the future is always changing.
The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes.
But one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself,

The future is never the way we imagined it.

[Milly]

There's this thing that happens
When people find out you're a Lightbringer.

Maybe one day I'll stop being so tired.
I don't anticipate it happening anytime soon.
I was questioned why I was in Myllenoris; and though baffled I informed them it was because I lived here.
Instead I was told they thought I lived in Osrona.
I used to.

They stop seeing you as a person
And begin to see you as something
Bigger than you are.

But it isn't Osrona anymore, yet how can I explain that to people?
That the streets I used to roam and be safe in
Are no longer safe?

They have to see us that way, as Gods.
Otherwise we're just like everyone else.
Unsure, flawed, normal.
So we act strong.
We remain stoic.
We hide the fact that we're all too human.

The buildings are run down. Most of the trees are gone.
It's all metal, stone and more metal.
It's harsh red and blue lights that filter into the window at night.
It kept me awake.

People see as us Gods
Or they see us as monsters.
But the fact is, we're just people.
We screw up.
We lose our way.
Even the best of us have our off days.

But the heart of the city remains; I felt it.
I felt it when I entered what used to be the church
I felt it when I knelt before the star, and I prayed.
I prayed not for my life, but for theirs.
They believed I was a traitor, and yet
I remained hopeful for their lives.

Still, we move forward.
We don't rest on our laurels
Or celebrate the lives we've saved in the past.
Because there's always some other person
That needs our help.

Nothing is the same anymore.
People change. Times change. Yet at the same time
Everything is the same as well.
The same people who have hope in their hearts
The same people who believe themselves heroes.

So we force ourselves to keep trying,
To keep fighting,
In the hope that maybe someday
We'll come just a little bit closer
To the Gods our people need us to be.

[Milly]

When you're little,
Nighttime is scary because
There are monsters hiding right under the bed.

The battle is won; and perhaps the war is over.
Then again - wars against darkness is never quite over
They'll show up again and again, no matter what we do.
Is it all worth it?

When you get older,
The monsters are different.
Self-doubt, loneliness, regret.

Someone I trained and oversaw
A traitor, absolutely
Found the end of his life at the hands of his Queen.
There is no more fitting end, I feel.

And though you may be older and wiser,
You still find yourself scared of the dark.

Now we look to the future - to Theria, to Barsburg.
There's a lot that still needs to be done,
And I'm sure there always will be, even once I'm gone.
The question that matters now is:

Where do I begin?