Pocket Journal.

[Threemadbroski]

Ever since I've felt the rush of my own raw energy. It's never been enough.

A fleeting feeling of overwhelming control.

The utter pleasure I felt as my Mana Circuits reacted. AS they moved the energy about.

I've never been so hungry.

Unless I'm fed I wont be sated. 

Many people in this world starve for such a thing. 

I refuse to do such. Denying myself such a thing is simply idiotic. 
It's all I can think about. Almost as if my mind is becoming a slave to such a simple desire.
That's all I wanted to get off my chest for now.

The next couple pages are seemingly gibberish. 

[Threemadbroski]

'
Although I see the path I walk on may lead to possible ruin.
I have no qualms with it. Truly if I'm powerful enough I can defeat such an event. 
The more power I gain the more at ease my mind is. Therefore letting me think clearer.
Instead of Frantically looking for a quick solution. I've decided to stick to this path.
However,I've made a friend. Well a couple rather. I hold them dear to me. But if I should have to stomp over them.
I just might depending on what I've sworn to them.  Because despite physical victory being an end all be all for most situations.
On the battlefield of emotions words hold more weight then the swing of a sword. To win in the emotional and social level could lead to more results then pure battle.
Which is why I let my emotions run wild. I get angry. I let my self laugh along with letting myself weep . When my emotions are connected with another it leads to loyalty. 
Loyalty is something I hold high. Maybe even as high as raw power. So if I should have to chose one. I don't think I could. 
It would lead me to insanity. Although perhaps that would make me stronger.


Truly I'm unsure.

[Threemadbroski]

This was a mistake. All of this was a mistake. Why I ask myself why? First it was hunger. Then it was because I was intelligent to some degree.
But I was not. I was the fool. The idiot. Now I suffer due to my choices. All I do is suffer. Violent invasive and impulsive can describe who I've truly become.
All while I put on a facade while I bide my time until I can indulge and appease this invader who is just me in DENIAL.

Yet I've already payed the price for the power I wanted. The hole in my mind instead of my wallet is felt on the daily. I idle and bide. Idle and bide.

I'm so sick of it. But the moment I no longer continue to idle and bide. Is the moment I walk on a path of twisted freedom. One that will push me away from the bonds i have.

I knew that was one of the risks. Im fine with it. I'd like to indulge in that sort of chaos anyways. But until then. Idle and bide.

Idle.

Bide.

Idle.

Bide.

Then I rejoice when the day comes I can be considered a threat. When I fill that hole in my mind with a reality I prefer to speak about. I prefer to exist in.

The rest of the pages are torn to shreds and jury rigged back into the book. Although they are not in a state where they can be read.