I cant stay happy

[magicschoolbusdropout]

"Do you ever just look around and feel like no one sees you and if they do they just see a monster? Yeah, that is my life. I sit around doing nothing bad but get labeled an occultist or a monster all because i was born. Against my better nature, I  avoided the occult, and I avoided all the mentalities that came along with it. I was born into this life, not made into it. I know there are rituals to change me, but why would I do something to make me not me? Why would I possibly kill myself for the low possibility of anything happening to you? 

I protect and serve those around me. I help anyone and everyone. I am the next up-and-coming medic, All I want is for everyone to be safe is that so much to ask? Instead, I am berated, attacked, and Blamed for someone else's mistakes, and I am left with no friends around who see me or check up on me. If I want to speak to them, I have to make my way to them.

Why do I have to do everything for everyone else, but no one is there to help me when I need it? Why am I lost in not knowing who I am meant to be because I was born into a life I did not ask for? Why am I the one who has to be hurt because others can't understand? 

Why don't I just...give up If I can't be happy?"

-The Diary of A.H

[magicschoolbusdropout]

"I keep thinking it will get better, I keep thinking I will be noticed or remembered. It never seems that way I am always alone. I have no idea where I belong. I tried to belong where my father raised me, I did not agree with how they lived. There was nothing wrong with that- I still see them from time to time but its not the same. I moved to gold light with a friend who-I feel will never see me. I know they care but they have their own life while I am still forgotten. I don't understand how to make friends because every time I try- They leave. Is it me? Is it because I am who I am? 

I get looked at weird and people run away. I get looked at weird and I get attacked. What am I supposed to do? I am trying to fit in but the more I do I feel more lost. Sometimes I think my father is right to just leave this land. I told him I would try and I am but at what point...do I give up? At what do I just say enough is enough and turn on those who promised me things would be different, On those who promised to care but left me in the dust?

There are people...like Grey, Justia, and Even Tobias That make me feel seen. Grey has a kind soul and I hate how much he gets hated on so I'll always stick up for him even if he doesn't know that. Then There is Justia she may not be blood but she is family and she has been the one person who has pulled me into teachings and has shown me the correct way of doing what is needed. Tobias, He is young but has a kind soul as well. He makes sure I am included. I don't think he realized how much that means to me especially when I have had a bad day. Michael, He took me in after the whole island situation, He is adorable and sweet. Even though he seems distant most times...I wish nothing but the best for him. I hope he knows I appreciate him as well even though I don't say it enough. Aunir and Mehrune- I grew up with you both. I saw you turn from being by yourself to being in a city you thrived in. I am glad to see you happy and around.

I see I have good things in life but I still feel so Lonely."

-Diary of A.H