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It isn't in my Blood
#1
..to hate humanity.
I only ever hated the sins that came with it.
The greed of man, as I'd learned, always comes with a terrible price.
Unsatisfactory death.
.
You kill, you maim, all in the name of selfish benefit..
..and the Council wanted no more of that, slaughtering peoples who went against their divine judgement,
where Azrael stood against the decision, wanting the freedom of these mortal peoples..
..all out of His love for them. For you. For all of us.
.
I remember that day like it was yesterday- because I dream it every night.
The tear falling down my Morninglord's cheek when defeated by just a boy that was said to be the embodiment of Kraus, maker of our world, who shattered.
I'll never forget the look on His face, nor the look of my own mother's when her blade plunged in my chest to end my life alongside my twin brother.
.
155 AC.
Almost two thousand years ago now.
I was only twenty back then, fighting alongside our people against crusaders that couldn't understand the aspirations of Azrael. A similar manifesto of today, where Fate has brought all of us who were sealed to live again, away from the Hollow World.
.
Parchments call us corrupt. Narratives make us out to be as evil. But, no. We are only misunderstood.
.
It's so different from my era- the near-beginning of time. There was so little to learn, save for what my father taught me- most of which are distant memories that I don't remember anymore. We knew very little compared to today, yet I miss it so much - as much as I miss my dad and my brother. I've new family now in Sanctum..
even if we're all divided on our ideals on the Morninglord's name at times.
.
Sometimes, I ask myself:
Will they ever come to see the visions I behold as true to His doctrine?
Will they ever understand that His love for us- for the humans- is what enabled His fall?
.
Those thoughts dive deeper into other questions, though:
Why is it that Kraus did not fix his most loyal angel, either, but banished Him?
A betrayer- he is. Abandoning his creations and angels that followed him away from Atmos, just to see this world bleed, cry, and find despair in similar notions.
.
Demons alike the Akuma.
Humans alike the Angels.
.
It's all the same, even in this era, yet you can redeem them, can't you?
Demons that were cleansed, witches that were saved, depraved humans freed of their sins, or Gods given a chance to be liberated from bad perceptions..
.
So, why not my heavenly father, too?
.
I told her in that dream, or wherever I had been, that if you can compensate for the defects of sin and find one we once considered fallen for good to be saved..
Why not an angel, too?
.
He wanted better for us, as many do for him. He'd fallen in the name of love for us, so why not show him that we, too, could heal him in the same mind?

.
Do I dream too big, Lord Azrael?
Can you hear these thoughts I pen down?
Are you aware that your renown love is shared for yourself, too?
..because one day, you'll see it.
I promise.
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#2
..to die without a purpose.
Yet, misunderstood. Strenuous, like the breaths I take. The air feels thicker, sometimes.
More difficult than before, like the pain of my past I once endured. My heart is heavy.
..but this time, I tolerate it, because I couldn't harm a child that day.
It's not a regret I ever had, or felt.

All I wanted to see was something different this time, heavenly Father..
..and this time, I wanted to see, and got to see, what the world had to offer again,
but...
maybe, just maybe..

Maybe Siegfried can live out that legacy of our visions,
while I might walk in spirit with you, Morninglord.

Because..
I think my time here is up.
Recovery feels so far away.
Was there ever hope for me, as I write my thoughts on this page?
Will they be my final thoughts this time?
Pessimistic, because of the burden of the cold, maybe.

Yet, the air is so frigid, like the nights in the north,
and my fingers grow more numb by the minute.
I can feel it creeping in, like someone deprived of sleep.

I might not be able to finish writing this, or the hundreds of thoughts on my mind.
I barely just began to live again, but live I did, and I did it with a smile on my face.

My eyelids grow substantially weighty.

I'm sorry if this turns out for the worst, Solemn. My heart couldn't hold this weight again like it did two thousand years ago.
I'm sorry that I might not have recovered like we thought I would, Sieg, but if I'm to go now, I write this with a smile.
I love you dearly, Siegfried Abernath.

Tonight, our heavenly father might be calling me back to His side out there.
I'll fulfill my purpose, then. It won't be meaningless.
Suppose I can tell him all about how Ser

No more words to follow a train of thought- a story left unfinished, and a flame snuffed prematurely.

A shallow huff finds its way out. A heart seemingly grows crystallized in permanent frost, if only fleeting- having accomplished its duty.

She can be seen resting peacefully, with a quill locked between her fingers,
and a small journal that never found many entries in its parchment.

In the midst of night, a last exhale blows out of the High Priestess' lungs, never to draw in another breath.
The cold air leaves in their chambers.
Only a body remains, embracing the certitude of a mortal's death..

..so she may depart at the Morninglord's beckon, and go home to her creator.

fin
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