The Final Heartbeat

[mat13295]

six hundred sixty-five million...
Six hundred sixty-four million, Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine...

-

"The average heartbeat goes for roughly thirty-five million times per year. Doing the math..."
"Nineteen years. A few months, give or take."
"Perhaps it is the lingering effects of my old connection to time that has allowed for such a guess. Or maybe...It's just something one grows to sense when it creeps closer."

"Nineteen years to finish the Forge. And if I'm lucky, the magnum Opus ritual..."
"But what if the ritual fails? I suppose then I will have to hear the final thud in my chest."
"I cannot say that it has been a terrible life so far. And to see everyone that has left this plane again does sound quite nice."
"I would greatly miss Ksceniya, Sterling, Liz and Syne, Ilathia as well..."
"But...Rest after so much blood being shed for others would be nice."
"Hah...Such a Malaise, It reminds me of what you all told me."
"That I'm working myself to an early grave. Perhaps you all were right. But my work is not yet done."
"Life will continue, I shall as always endeavor to make sure of it."
"Even my own."

[mat13295]

I took a trip to the cemetery today. I had thought I would only visit it once a year. And yet as time passes it becomes a recurring visit. With more tombstones with familiar names engraved into the harsh stone. Each name carried memories. Some of only a few scant years, others of life long friendships ended before we both could become a shriveled hag like myself now. Amusing really. There were times i remember sharing with those old friends that it was the end of the world back then. And here we are again, supposedly looking down the end of the world from another war-band of demons.

-

The more things change, hmm?

-

I've found my feet growing heavier each year i trudge through this place. And each time i take a long rest in contemplation and thought. Eventually, this is to be my fate should nature not be defied somehow. Some of these old friends...It's been over 30 years that i have last seen them. Or was it 40? 50? I don't really know anymore. Everything is a bit of a fog lately. A terrible malaise perhaps.  It won't matter. There will not be a need for those memories at all soon enough.

-

I find myself an empty patch in the cemetery. A place that looks oddly comforting, caught between the headstones of two fellow doctors that had also gone peacefully in time. And i lay my head down upon the soil, staring upwards into the night sky. The moon shines down as I fold my hands over my abdomen. The coldness of the air seeps into aching bones and a thought crosses my mind each time I have done this.

-

"I could just finally sleep without worry. You've done enough." And each year...I feel it harder to shake such a thought away. It gets ever harder for me to just lift myself up out of the dirt as my heart slows ever more. Once more i rise out of the ground and speak quietly to those i still remember beyond the veil one final time. To pay respects once more...And to apologize that i shall once again be denying their invitation to join them.

-

I know...I know. 

It will just be a little while longer still.

 With how many of you are buried here waiting...

I'm sure it will be a wonderful time together once more.

Just like the old days.

Back when i was so meek and childish about even talking to any of you.