Iridescent Heart - Shiri Shi Shimasu

[Benyah]

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A conflicted state of mind. . .
Words levied forth, granted clarity and strength,
Until they were no more.

[Benyah]

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I suppose, in the end, my greatest sin had been committing thought crimes, not espionage against the Fel itself. 
So vile, so wicked my philosophy, and my book is held in as much esteem as dark magic itself. 
Excommunicated, Exiled, and so, the Faceless which I so strived to become are out for me.
Not for the people that have aided the enemy, attacked entire nations at the behest of our enemies.

They maintain the ranks of the Holy City itself. Their names lay undefiled, their secrets are unrevealed.

Cavorted with witches, laid in bed with the Fel.
Yet not one of them has received such a drastic reaction. This world by mere inception is unfair. It benefits the strong, it benefits liars, it benefits manipulators, and it benefits dictators, and above all? It benefits the subservient.

The people are so subdued they themselves cannot see, or do not want to acknowledge, the reality of the bed that has been made for them. 
It is undoubtedly full of shit. 

Perhaps they would acknowledge, after all…
I spoke the truth at every opportunity, and I was never wrong.


The establishment, this world, would have me believe I have committed heresy. 
To that end, I am forced to acknowledge there is no sin greater than thought itself. 
We were encouraged to find our own answers to the questions of the Dogmata.

But I was wrong, the answers I have found are incorrect in nature; there is no sin greater than independent thought.
In the end, I would rather hold a grudge with the world, expose the truths that lay beyond the veil... Than live peacefully.
This world has long since rejected me, I accept I have lost, my reputation lay in ruin for deeds that cannot be attributed to my name.

I signed up for this life, but I cannot handle it.
I warned those of Fortune, and they could not handle it.
I led my people exactly where I told them, and they could not handle it.
I did exactly what I said I would, I told the truth, and the powers that be cannot handle it. 
I did my job for years, and the reality of that life is one deemed so vile, it cannot be tolerated.

How's this for a liar? How's this for a sycophant? How's this for a false believer? How's this for a pretender? How's this for an abandoner? How's this for someone so wicked? How's this for someone so vile?
How's this for someone so stupid, someone with no achievements, someone who has bestowed nothing upon this GODS forsaken WORLD!

HOW'S THIS!

You were right, I'm not a Martyr.
I'm a revolutionary, maybe in time the world will come to see my vision, and it will change.
But I will be remembered in history as, perhaps, the grandest sinner of them all. A title I will carry with PRIDE.
Redemption, I have not damned my soul, and now the entire world has turned its back to me...

I will not abandon my morality to survive. I am RIGHTEOUS. 
Darkness or light, however I am perceived, I will remain forever RIGHTEOUS. 
And I refuse to support an unrighteous establishment; a false god akin to a King thrust forth upon people who did not ask.

We the righteous are led by the wicked, and we are asked to accept the irrational as it justifies the needs and wants of the Micro.
And we have done so, we have done a tremendous deal for people who care so little for our doctrine.
Before I die, I must finish Mortal Jurisprudence… My vision for a true and just world, for this world is too wicked without laws to contain the sins of man.

DAMN THIS WORLD TO HEL!
DAMN IT ALL!

I will accept, and embrace my role as the villain, one above all others, and on that hill I will gladly die. 

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[This Concludes the Journal of Shiri Shi Shigenobu.]

(this isn't implying anything, there just won't be any further entries.)