A fading light... Darkly Dreaming.

[Tumbles]

It isn't often that in the face of one's death... Their priorities change.
-
Nay, more like their priorities jumble. Survival but a dream amidst a waking nightmare. 
-
And dreams... Such fragile things, were never meant to last in a world like this.
___________________
I woke up, in that temple. A mere rodent among wolves. I had made many advancements, killed those that didn't deserve it in the service of one I would idolize. It is always those craven and weak... The fearful and lost that always desire flame, always desire the warmth and certainty... The strength of a Dragon.

Alas, many things were not meant to be, between trysts and my lot in life... I have always been in conflict. I had trained myself to be the perfect servant, guided by the firm and darkened hand of those I might even deem the rightful rulers of this world today. They made me who I am, the red cloak, the promises, whispers of power that eventually replaced a craven, startled rodent with the facsimile of a dragon that stands today.

From my pact with the Abyssal Dragon, to my unending hope, pride, and understanding... I live a paradoxical life. As if all I speak are lies to the self. Lies to the world. Lies about love about hearts, about my very being. It's become too much... To even sort where the lies begin and end, where the real light inside me lies. Every step I make in one direction... Something tugs me in the other, as if there is some fateful game for my position, for my soul... Though I do not presume to believe that deeply in my importance... In truth I am nothing.

In all of my struggle to shake off the yoke of entropy I am but a servant of it- All of my decisions made up to this point for the sake of it, to bring it into action, perpetual madness, destruction and devastation. I lied to myself that it would be better and so it was better. The power of lies is that eventually, they might just become the truth... If they yet live long enough to fool you.

I stand now at a crossroads... A three pointed road where each decision means the death of the others. I, a mirror of Gluttony, of Wrath, of Greed... A lascivious and foolish figure... Only wish I could keep the dreams I have created alive. Those hopes that nestle deep within my heart. If only one could be in several places at once, performing several tasks, alas, that too, is naivete. 

You only know the meaning of life when your claws are sunk so deep into it that you cannot remove them.
You only feel the meaning of emotion when you have choked them out for so long that the mere act of feeling requires effort.
You only know the meaning of love once you have lost all that you hold dear. Pushed them away for the sake of some stagnant power.

I know these now.
Far too late.
I know not even if I will be strong enough to do what I must.

I can only hope that I make the right decision, in a world where only the perfect decision matters.


 

[Tumbles]

I am a growing chorus of contradiction. I am a liar.

I have built a kingdom of lies and I, its foolish queen tread further and further into this tar pit I have made for myself. In many ways, I am exactly what I was made to be. And why wouldn't I be exactly that?

I have seen wars without reason
I have seen great men become cowards.
I have slain friend and foe alike. 
I have betrayed my family.

My very being is awash in these lies, to the point that I will likely never know which way is up. I will likely never know what true freedom is. And I will likely die alone and afraid, craven like any other I have so spat upon and took to the pyre. Fear is the natural way of things, and I have always known that. 

I am a cheat, a thief, did I ever have an honest bone in my body? Or perhaps deceit has always been my nature.
How can I both have good intention and be the monster that I am? How can I have empathy yet fight it back and bite it down? Has my experience really broken me in such a way? Am I really that weak?

I am a Dragon.
Wingless and self proclaimed.
I am a Viper
Words drip of venom, of peace.
I am a Monster
Gluttonous and bereft of soul.
I am a Sad... Sad little girl in a big world.

I have yet to make a decision on what is important to me. What I want to do with my life. 
Even as I have time to rest, I wonder if I should have died in that temple, one of the many conquests of Morana.
Should I have never delved into the things I have already, even if some sick, twisted part of me enjoys it?

I wish I was an angel
I wish I was the light of the sky.
I wish I was a force of good.
I wish I was purity.

Where will I end up soon?
Can I ever truly be saved?
Do I want to be?

[Tumbles]

I know you Morana. I took you into myself... I made many promises. I resolved to be honest, truthful, to fight for good and uphold the ideals you held together as a Valkyrie. And yet your wrath... It was such a potent thing... So powerful that I couldn't resist spilling blood in your name. All of that progress I made, all of the attempts at improving myself all could have gone down the drain if we killed that boy... And I know we would have had I not fought tooth and claw to make it not so. 

I made my choice. Chose my lot in life and we life in an empty world without sisters. We watched one who would be a close friend die and there are no nations extending a hand to pick us up... How are we to attain greatness in war? How am I supposed to improve... Hone my skill? I shoved that sword through myself... I bled and risked death as I said I would to Aegis, to everyone in attendance in our trials... And each and every one of them didn't think I had it in me. To them they saw a deviant witch with deceit on her mind...

I may have used to be that way, but I grew, my ideals grew... My morals grew. I am finally becoming the sort of figure I used to Idealize when I was a child. I am finally becoming something I can be proud of rather than doubtful of... But it is a long and hard road. It will be impossible for me alone... And while I have control, I paid heavy prices for it... I have experienced losses, I know just where I stand, and what I must do... 
There is much that still stings and burns my soul.

So I will not stop until I have my wings. 
I will not stop until I am recognized. Validated by blood I have come to crave.
I have a hunger for life of good and repose...

I have legacies to attend to... I have banners that I must continue to hold high.
Bronach.
Salem
Morana.

Though all Banished now, while I sit at the edge of the lands of death... I cannot help but remember the lives you three have touched.
I would do the same, in your names. I would continue to work to make Babylon something more than a dream.
There are others, but in the end... I have always been isolated... I do not have a magnetism about me... 

On the contrary I am quite repellant. 
But I hope to one day be worthy of the title...

Valkyrie.

[Tumbles]

Here it is. The closing act.
I wish I had something witty to say, or something nice to report, but...
That was never in the cards for me, redemption... Valkyrie? 
They were right in the end it was a pipe dream... There were those who would crumble all hope, aspirations and will in you.
I wanted to be an example.

'Anyone can be saved.' 

I thought if I actively sought it, I would make things better. I even resolved to tell the truth. I poured my heart in front of those people.

That was my first mistake. They're like birds of prey, piranhas in the water, waiting for the first hint of anything that displeases them before they try to destroy it. I was that displeasure manifest. I had been treated unfairly, where others for greater crimes would be admonished but allowed to free roam?
I am dealing with the lot of those executed on the mere whimsy of those liars who think of themselves as brighter.
Yes I regretted everything I did. 
Yes I wish I could turn back time and undo it.
Yes, I was misunderstood and sentenced to death by those who couldn't see beyond themselves.

I'm sorry Father... I didn't mean for this to happen.
I'm sorry Urano... I wished to build Babylon with you, to build hope in this world.
I'm sorry Raithe, I could have listened to you, but I trusted the wrong charlatans.
I'm sorry Christophore you tried so hard for me only to watch me die.
In the end, I expended all of my love for you.

I'm sorry Brother... I couldn't avenge you.
I'm sorry Felice, I wish I were a better friend.
I'm sorry Yugram, I won't be able to catch you.
I'm sorry Uriah.
I'm sorry Magnolia... Clementine...

I'm sorry Melionette, your song rang on deaf ears in the end.


I even told them all they needed to know to help the one man I really damned.
I couldn't make the grade, and I was too useless to get anything done with what I had. I never got to see my child even walk...
I never got to stand in meadows and valleys with my own flesh again.
I never got to save anyone... I was never all that important.
In the end where I meant to go out with a roar, I simply died in a whimper.

Cursing the nature of my existence.
If I ever return... Maybe I will have wings.
If I do...

I will show no mercy.
I will not give quarter.
If compassion does not work, they must be fed their own medicine.
Kindness is expensive after all.

And I am all out of resources to expend.

As Angels Fall. Others may Rise.
War is Divine Alchemy.
Necessary change.