My father's shadow

[Did I do that?]

Isn't this what I wanted... 
To grow.
    
You taught me to be kind...
Yet, the world has shown me different.
Engulfed in negativity.
   
You taught me to be strong...
Yet, I was weak when it mattered most.
Fear crawled up my spine.
    
You taught me to love...
Yet, now I stand alone.
Heartless.
    
Now I come asking you father...
To which do I beg forgiveness?
For what I am, or what I am not?
   
For what I will become...
Or what I have became.

May you continue to watch over me, may the night be a long one.

Love, your son...

         

Astra Okabe
    

[Did I do that?]

        
I'm paradoxical...

Despite my desire to be happy,
I often dwell on thoughts that are adverse.

I don't like myself, 

but I enjoy the person I'm becoming.

Although I claim to be unconcerned, 

I actually care too much.

I have a strong need for attention,

yet I reject anything that comes my way.

I have protected,

 but at the cost of my own blood.

Although I have recovered,

 I have damaged my heart in the process.

I enjoy listening,

but avoid discussing my inner turmoil.

Anger.

I have been waging a war.

I'm drenched in agony and sadness.

The irony of it all: am I really angry?

I'm attempting to cultivate happiness,

but that in itself is a war.