Your Little Raven

[Sailor Ryu]

---

Are you proud of me, Father?
For all that I am, for all that I've done?
Do you think of me, your little raven, while you are out there?

Or do you still see only the flaws?
The niggling little imperfections of your perfect little girl.
Staring deep into her soul and feeling nothing but remorse for the tragedy of your own creation.

Do you still love me, Father?
Even after all these years.
Knowing that you can only look upon me and feel sorrow.

I understand if you don't.
Especially after what I have done.
Such a deed unforgivable, to one who covets family such as you.
Such as I.

Yet I made my decision.
Redemption was offered,
Yet never taken.
Judgment was the only path forward.

It was not an easy choice; honor, over personal desire.
Judgment, over family.
Not a night passes, where I do not think of what I have done.
Where I do not mourn.
Yet, it will not break my spirit.

Will you find solace amidst these tear stained pages,
Or am I doomed to feel only your resentment.
Do you still love me?
Am I still your little Raven?

[Sailor Ryu]

---

Night after night, I find myself laying there.
Thinking of you.
Of all the things I should have said,
Of all the things I could have done differently.

Even now, that day is etched into my mind.
The day when I found out.
All the suffering it wrought upon us all,
And the events that transpired.

Even now, knowing what I did was the right thing;
I cannot help but feel guilty.
Was it my judgment that lead to this?
Am I the one responsible?

I would like to tell you I am doing better now,
But the truth is, I am not.
I do not think I ever will.
But that is simply the burden of that I must embody,
For the sake of our family.

Do you still think of me where you are?
Are you even capable of thought at all,
Or was that just another thing I robbed you of?

I can only imagine the pain I caused you.
The sorrow, the hatred you must feel.
The rage that must have surfaced in that moment.
Yet, I find myself asking myself every day.

Do you forgive me?
Am I still your favorite sister?

[Sailor Ryu]

---

For years I have struggled.
Fought my hardest not to become like him.
Not to become like you.
The constant pursuit of an ideal balance,
A way to live my life, with tempered emotions,
And tempered expectations.

Yet I find myself slipping, here and there.
The headaches get worse, the desire to scream breaks through.
Am I any different, in the end?
Or am I doomed to be like the rest.
Doomed to be just like you.

Our family has had their struggles.
Generation after generation of turmoil.
Numbers always seeming to dwindle, threatening our extinction.

I am beginning to believe that our curse is real.
That true happiness will never be within our reach.
That our name carries with it a burden that cannot be shed,
No matter how hard we try.

How many times has it happened now?
How many generations has history repeated itself,
And one of our own have lost their way?

Have you fallen the same way as he did?
As She did?
As they did?

As I will?

It is my duty to judge you,
As I would judge myself.
And so, I ask you this;

Am I your enemy?
Or am I still your kin?

[Sailor Ryu]

---

How many times have you done this now?
Welcomed in ruin to your own life?
Blamed someone but yourself?
Unable to take responsibility for your own judgments.
I'm sorry.
The more you look inward.
The more you see you are just like them.
Doomed to see the world as it is.
Doomed to see the world in scarlet.
It's all my fault.
How much longer can you blame everyone else,
For your own misdeeds and wrong-doings?
Can you truly come to terms with what you are?
What you were born to become.
I could have saved you.
Sworn to a life you cannot uphold.
Stalwart and virtuous in the face of adversity.
An emotionless arbiter of all around you.
Judged in the a way you would judge yourself.
I could have done better.
How many more will you have to lose,
Before you realize it is all your fault?
Before you look inward and see,
You are as much to blame as them.
I'm so tired.
Every person you try to save,
You ultimately end up losing.
Your siblings,
Your parents,
Your friends.
Eventually,
Her.

I don't deserve any of you.
Night after night you suffer.
Tossing and turning in your sleep.
Wondering how much you could have done differently.
A life of absolution, is a life of regret.
Desperate to save everyone,
While never being able to save yourself?
I could have been happy.
Your fall is inevitable;
The longer you fight it, the more suffering it will entail.
You can try as you might,
But the curse of your family cannot be denied.
You are destined to suffer,
It is the price of your existence.
I'm such a liar.
Your honor is stained with dishonor.
Your judgment with injustice.
Your family leaves you abandoned.
Your spirit, broken.
I'm so pathetic.
Will your wake up and realize it in the end?
Will you finally see the imperfections for what they are?
Or will you remain,
your own worst enemy?
I'm my own worst enemy.

[Sailor Ryu]

Are you proud of me
For all I've done?
Do I uphold the values,
You held so dear?

Am I the shining example of judgment you wished to see,
Or chasing a dream long since lost to me?

Am I a fair judge,
One impartial and detached;
Capable of looking upon even my own kin,
Without allowing sentimentality to bleed through?
Yet one still capable of showing compassion and love,
As though even stranger were my own flesh and blood?

Can you see me from where you are?
Do you look upon me and smile,
Or are you ignorant to my existence?

It has been a difficult journey;
One that most would have given up on.
Yet even now, even through all the pain and suffering.
Even though I see the world through a scarlet mirage,
I refuse to give up.

Once more your wings have graced the world;
A brilliant beacon of our great push to prosperity,
To a world unified in order and understanding,
In truth, and progress.
A world you would be proud to see.

And so this, I promise you.
Even if you cannot see me.
Even if you do not hear me when I call out,
Even if you truly are long gone, unable to look back.

I will become something more.
I will bring about the same shining examples that you set once before.
I will inherit the truth of my name, my lineage, and my very purpose.

This world is imperfect, fractured and scarred with the trails of incompleteness;
Yet, these imperfections are what make it so beautiful.
These scars tell a story of a world that has struggled,
And one that can truly prosper, with a guiding and virtuous hand.
With one who can look upon them all, and usher in a path forward.

I will become what they need,
The very thing you set out to be before your departure.

I will be,
Your devoted Arbiter.

[Sailor Ryu]

I have watched you all grow,
From the moment you stepped into this village.
To now, as you each become men and women in your own rights.
Discovering the truths of yourselves,
Discovering the your own personal justices.

I watch, even when I am silent.
Coming to know you all, and how you think.
The things that make you feel.
Whether it be happiness, or sadness.
It is my duty to know these things, after all.

To me, you are my children.
I may never sire my own, but I look upon you all,
Watching you grow, watching you become something more.
All the dedication you each put in to your individual paths.

You have no idea how proud of you all I am.

And yet, there is still so much more we have to do, isn't there.
There is still so much each of you are yet to accomplish;
And with that, there is so much that I must guide you through.
As a leader, and a mother.
As one who sees you all as my family.

I cannot claim I will be perfect in doing so.
I cannot claim that I will not make difficult decisions;
Ones that you do not agree with, or ones that you will perhaps not understand.
But I can promise each of you, that everything I do, is out of kindness, and love.
Even when you may think it is not.

My dedication is to you.
Children of Xuefeng.
Of Jianghu,
Of Izhura,
Of Herizu,
Of Yurhira,
 Of Xuantong.
Children under His divine light,
under his righteous mandate.

After all,
Through peace and war.
Through love and hate.
No matter what it is that comes our way.

I am your devoted Regent.
Until my last breath.
And I am very, very proud of you.
Even if you don't know it.