The Promise

[Coroneljones]

The Hand of Fate shuffles the deck, and the journey begins.
The past, the present, and the future.

---

Hello once again, kindred soul of mine.
To think it has been thirty years since that day, and twenty two since I undertook the voyage that landed me here, far from the homeland.
Twenty two years of enduring the Land of Aemir and its people.
Twenty two years of adapting to survive the locals, and to become better.
But above all?

Thirty years I have endured without you.

Thirty years of trying to find purpose.

Thirty years of trying to find closure.

Thirty years of upholding that vow eternal.

Thirty years of trying to be the best version of myself that I could be.
The version of myself that you saw within me, all those years ago.
And I am simply tired.

---

The past is drawn, inverted.
But perhaps both sides speak their own truths.

---

At times I wonder if I would rethink my decision to board that boat, were I to turn back time to when I was twenty eight. Would I change it all and avoid my current fate, or would I simply embrace it as a necessity, something that I must endure?
Something that has made me better, as opposed to worse?

Am I content, with this life?

Am I content, with the burden of duty?

Am I content, upon a throne of regrets?
Am I content, still being stuck on that day all those years ago?

Am I content, with the way things are?

No, I am not.
But I shall endure it, to be better.

To learn and to grow.
To move on, yet never forget.
To never forsake that oath.

And that is why I would not change a thing.

---

The Hand draws another, the present.

---

I have thought much on it, over these last years.
On duty.

On purpose.

On legacy.

And throughout it all, I have been a witness to many things.

A witness to suffering.

A witness to joy.

A witness to death.

A witness to life.

A witness to destruction.

A witness to creation.

A witness to loss.
A witness to love.

A witness to despair.

A witness to Hope.
As you were mine, I shall be theirs.

And I have endured through it all.

Wounds upon my body.

I have endured it all, for their sake, and yours.

Wounds upon the mind.

I have endured it all, for I believe it to be right.

Wounds upon my spirit.

I have endured it all, for I have Hope.

Wounds upon the soul.

I have endured it all, for I made a promise.

I will be there, for all of them, for this year and for as many to come as I can endure.
I have long sought closure, and I have found it by enduring and growing with every pain brought upon me, and for every burden shared, to ease their suffering.

Gaining Strength by bringing Hope in the face of Strife.

Let this be a good start for 2094AC, as the month of Geist passes.

Happy 51st birthday, Eleanor, I can only hope I made you proud. 
I upheld our promise. I never gave up on it.
And may I never stray from it, or your memory.

---

The Hand of Fate has long drawn the last card, but shall it play its hand?
Yet, is it the Hand of Fate that truly picks from the deck, or is it The Fool that simply chooses it without knowing?

[Coroneljones]

---

Hello once more, Eleanor,

How can one stand before a victory - A grand achievement - and feel naught but a void?

Where there should be triumph, there is disappointment.

[Butcher.]

Where there should be joy, there is a hollow feeling.

[Killer.]

Where there should be pride, there is emptiness.

[Warmonger.]

Perhaps there was no true victory.

Only compromise.

[Weakness.]

A surrender, in all but name.

[A failure.]

They wanted a monster to blame, of their own make, to hide behind.

[Perhaps I should have become such.]

Yet I never could have become it as they wished so.

[Do you feel like an example yet?]

You knew the truth of how my heart sings, kindred soul of mine.

Which makes the dagger of loss stab that much deeper.

At times, I think of giving up.

[Of heeding the call of that pit.]

To silence the shouting voices demanding I kneel.

[And the gaze between the stars.]

To rest at last.

[It sees me.]

But I cant stop now.

When I think of an escape,

[When I think of a release.]

I cannot help but think of all the reasons why I should not.

Someone dear to the heart, that I must live so she must not break.

Someone under my care, that I must live for, so they may have hope.

Someone under my guidance, that I must live for, so they are not lost.

I may break,

I may shatter,

I may be destroyed,

Yet my soul must remain unbent and unbroken.

I allow myself to suffer,
So they do not.

I must be their light.

I must be their hope.

I must be their guardian.

I must become worthy.

And I must save them all.

[Are you proud of me?]

For as much as the heart yearns to be reunited with its better half, I must carry on with my duty.

For as much as I long to see that smile once more, beyond my memories, I must carry on enduring.

For as much as I wish to say those three words once more before you, I must achieve our dream.

[I love you.]

And for as much as I want it to not be so,

I know that we shall not see eachother for as long as I uphold my vow to you.

Only in my last failure will I find you.

[I miss you.]

I cant stop now.

I made a Promise.

[I'll do anything.]
[Until I can no longer.]

---

[Coroneljones]

---

Eleanor,

It is an oddity, to stand before the threshold where life meets death, and when I should know what to say in finality, there is...

Nothing at all.

Here I am, at the gates I stand, before the tormented husk that once loved Man so much.

And I cannot bring myself to take his hand and be ushered along.

I could say I was waiting for another, that may fall due to how gullible I was.

I could say I needed time to think and dwell upon my regrets, lest Helheim claim me.

I could say I...

I could say many things, yet there is only one truth.

I´m afraid.

I´m afraid of letting go.

I´m afraid of where I would end up.

I´m afraid of You, and of shattering your hopes, by seeing me.

Would you say that someone who had every intention to be brave, was a coward?

---

---

Neither of us will be who we last saw.

Your ghost that haunts me memory has kept me going for so long, that I fear seeing how much it diverges.

Just as much as I fear your disappointment, at how our dream turned out
.

I remember your smile, radiant and warm.

I remember your kindness and joy.

I remember your love for life, and every wonder of this world, as you fought against what ailed you

.

I remember you, when so many may have already forgotten, back home.

And that is why I cannot cross that threshold.

For what awaits me on the other side, to where He shall usher me to?

Fear.

Disappointment.

Regret.

Emptiness.

Helheim will drag me unto it, and sit me upon a throne of my own making, to lash me upon my regrets.

I´m not ready, for I have much to make up for.

---

---

I have a memory to uphold, and a dream to carry.

I have mistakes to make up for, and regrets to bury.

I have people to save and care for.

I have a life to live and love, and tears to shed, for that is why I cannot bring myself to see you once more.
Our Vow Eternal.

I may suffer for my choices, yet they are my own, and for as long as I uphold my vow I shall endure the punishment.

Failure is ever fading, and each fall is a lesson.

Growth, in every pain.

A second chance, First and Last.

For I am the Inheritor of Pylae´s Will and Justice.

For I am a Knight of His Hope for All.

For I am a Champion of Light.

For I am a Protector of Man.

For I am a Redeemer of the Worthy.
For I am Paragon and Saint, to some.

A Knight and Herald once more, of one who has given me a love for life once more.

Who has given me what I had lost, since I lost you.

I cant stop now.

I promised to so many that I would be there for them.

And my duty is far from over.

Goodbye, Kindred Soul of Mine.

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