gloria doria

[ByePolar]

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I am a soldier. From the moment I was born I knew my destiny would be to fight on the front lines. Such is the way of my people, and such is the way I follow. I never questioned it. They trained us not to disobey orders after all. It's just crazy to think about what I went through to get where I am. Those cold, bloody nights. My body was put through unimaginable pain, and yet it's still so familiar to me. It's all I know. The consequences of war litter my body while I look to add more to the pile. Is this really all I can do? I feel as if I've already accepted that. I didn't think I'd be anything more than a soldier.

But maybe that's starting to change.

Maybe I can be more than an instrument of war. I came to Meranthe to do just that. Our mission has yet to be completed. I envisioned a life consumed by battle, but I can't say I've entirely avoided that. Instead, I've met so many people. I have friends whose bond stretches beyond family and war. My brothers and sisters in blood can never be replaced, but my relationship with these natives has grown so quickly. I feel so alive. I'm always smiling. Sometimes I feel as if I'm one of them. Other times I feel as if I've lost way of my purpose. There's so much going on. I can't fall astray.

Yet that all goes away when I put that helmet on. When I don that mask, I feel like I embody what my people represent. I feel like a warrior. I feel as if I'm finally making them all proud. I'm still Vaso, but when I'm under that helm I start to believe I'm one of those heroes of old. It's the closest I'll ever feel to Mardi himself. This is what it means to be Dorian. A purpose directed by war. It's what I was born for after all. I'm doing this for them,  not me. I'm a weapon, a tool to be used, and nothing more.

I cannot get distracted.

There are more lives on the line than my own.


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Remember, one day at a time.
That's what got you through it.
Your future is not assured.
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This is your life.
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Rise.
Pray.
Bathe.
Eat.
Stretch.
Live.
Train.
Prepare.
Anticipate.
Act.
Eat.
Bathe.
Sleep.

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This is your duty.

[ByePolar]

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I failed. I was sent here to combat the evils of Meranthe, and instead I let two of my own fall to those same evils. I thought I had lost my purpose, but it's clear that's not the case. Every day is a day I spend fighting for my people. Every punch I throw is not only for the good of Doria, but for the safety of the friends I've made on Meranthe. And still, I've lost so much. I never stopped fighting though. It's that mentality that cost me my arm. What else am I to do? This is all I know. This is all I was raised to do. It seems to be the only value I have in a life like this. I think I'm getting used to being used for my strength, it's my job after all. As I stated before,

I'm nothing more than a soldier.

But what is a soldier without a nation? Aris left first, and in truth I'm still unsure as to how he is. No one seems to mention him and when they do his name is shrouded with a sense of gloom like I've never heard before. I'm worried, but I fear it's far too late to be worrying now. Astraea is still with us. No, I can't even say that anymore. She's so far gone. It disgusts me how low one would stoop for power. Even if it meant betraying all you've ever known she still found it suit to seek out such might, and now that I've felt it first hand I question what might she's even been granted. If only it was enough to save Servilia. I saw her taken from us before my very eyes. I could've stopped it, and I would've stopped it. I just couldn't let Keku die because of her. Maybe I'm in the wrong. Maybe I could've saved them both somehow, but because I didn't I've had to watch Servius fall.

I worry about my Warmaster. He's the closest thing I've had to a brother ever since Aimilios sailed back to Doria. He's always been my only mentor, my only inspiration. I look up to him, or well, I used to. Now I watch as he descends into a pit of madness that I don't believe I can pull him out of. It's justified, it comes from a place of righteousness, and yet it feels wrong all the same. I can't lose him too. He's all I have left from home.

I know I'm not weak.

But am I strong enough to hold these pillars?

Am I strong enough to keep this nation from falling?

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Can I solve everything through war?
I don't think so.
But I also don't believe I'll find another way.
Maybe that is the curse of Doria, or perhaps, a blessing.
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         ✳   
✳
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This is your life.
✳ 
Rise.
Pray.
Bathe.
Eat.
Stretch.
Live.
Train.
Prepare.
Anticipate.
Act.
Eat.
Bathe.
Sleep.
✳


This is your duty.