BITTER SPIRAL

[RainIsABirb]

Where do I find myself as my first thought comes?

The scent of wettened plants, a warm humid air.

The sensation of shifting leaves stuck in my hair.

The sound of a woman's voice, low and pleading.

I open my eyes.

Where does my body begin?

A grand canopy of golden bark, shimmering leaf.

A thicket of roots grown  through all of life's fief.

A quiet night up above, moonlight tasted on skin.

I open my eyes.

And where does Solais end?

When spark turns to flame within the stillest corpse,

When the promised life overcomes a destined death,

When that woman's voice croaks with bitter sorrow,

I open my eyes.

What do I see in that harrowing copse?

"It's beautiful- I think."

---

[RainIsABirb]

It's the funniest thing. I grow Alessa twigs from my head.

Mum named me after those leaves. Kava-Kava is a Gehennan name for them I read, and it's said that the tea made from it is energizing, intoxicating like alcohol. Bitter and numbing, makes you woozy- there are some mana-bolstering properties as well. Oh, and the other funny thing! I've tried alcohol, but didn't feel any change, not an ounce of drunkenness: Beer. Wine. Whiskey. Even snuck a gulp of rubbing alcohol from Miss Natalie's supplies once when she wasn't looking.

Nothing.

I think I can finally put a finger on where that want to numb things began. Calyx died so soon. There was never a body, never any closure, not even a letter of farewell from him. Worse yet, that undead is still out there, hiding from Edward maybe, though in reality, someone else probably put the sword to its throat long ago.

And, oh, another time where things went awry. I poked a sleeping bear, a hidden memory within another's circuits, and now, the rest is simply a blur- sometimes it's hard to tell what I've experienced, and what she's experienced some days. A knife pressed against my throat that I don't know is real.

But, before all of that, I met my dad. It was one time, just before Cal bit the dust- my 'real' father, not Solais, though I'm not sure that title really matters.. after all, he hasn't visited since. But when I was there, before everything, Edward asked him about girls. About her, I guess.

Her; Palade.

Just what does he see in you? Something past the crazy?
Maybe you were different. Maybe he was different...
You said it yourself, to 'Join' my brother. To surrender.
But it doesn't matter. I've proven to be above it already.
It would seem human perfection is irrelevant, when..

True perfection is simply better.
I'll be seeing you soon.

---

[RainIsABirb]

Pitter-pattering steps up and down a tenuous staircase had led to a stumble, a trip, a fall.

First does she deny gravity's pull, and then does she grow angry for the bumps its yank leaves.
Born from the roots and called by the leaves, innocence is ripped from the girl's life quickly.

Third does the woman scrabble at every surface to slow; fourth does she despair in her downward descent.
Drugs make no purchase on her aching mind, and the light shining at the top grows dimmer by the hour.

O, beloved Mother of mine, hallowed is thine river.
Be mine guiding lantern on this disparate stream.
I've lost sight of your beauty, and see only embers.

In those last fleeting moments did the Scion of Solais clasp her hands together to pray,
as her gaze turned downward toward that yawning abyss, eyes adjusting to the dark-

SLAM.

And now she lies broken at the bottom in a pit of broken glass.
But magi are well-renowned for their durability, look, see!
I'll rise again like a phoenix reborn, and I've never been more alive!

---

[RainIsABirb]

a long while I've laid at the bottom of the well
and in that while I'll have thought my thoughts
and for those thoughts I'll have made my peace
and in that peace hope drips down the drain
and soon too, the droplets they clench onto.

I think I'll drink of what little flows by
tastes of dreams, of home, and grape wine
and someday I'll stretch, walk up the steps
and see how they scream when it's time.

---