A curse of Ash, Flame, and Rot

[DragonDarklyDreaming]

Time is a fickle thing

We fight, we struggle. We dance upon the edge of a knife. But so few realize how close we are to the edge.
When did I become aware of it? Was it the discovery of the waiting maw?
The burns that spread just a bit more each day?
Or realizing that I didn't know if this week would carry with it news of another friend's death?

The candle is burning. The wax running down the stick. Pooling. The wick consumed.
My teacher... I have not reached the heart of the flame.
My mentor, my cup is running low.
My heart, you'll have to wait, even so.

I need more time. But I dance upon the edge of a knife.
And the fall is not a kind one.

[DragonDarklyDreaming]

The ring that I made her will never grace her finger.
The bells shall not ring for our special day.
Still... I will carry her memory with me. I will live a life that will let her look upon me without shame or regret.
For both our sakes, Taglia... I will continue to walk forwards.
For the sake of the rings yet unforged.

[DragonDarklyDreaming]

Ualdir, let not my spirit break...

How often have I repeated that prayer? For how many years?
How many years have I been on the precipice?
When I was there, living in a crypt, the prisoner of an undead, my life at the mercy of Xarxes' whims?
Living in the Maw, amidst a god and his cult?
Fighting in a world seemingly gone mad, when that great stomach grew?
Losing New Dexia...
Losing Taglia...
Igneous...
Melanthia
Renee

All in service of the Pantheon. Of Ualdir. Of life, and light. I have fought. I have bled. I have had my very soul ripped apart, feasted upon, burned...
And for what? To spend decades proving I was not a witch, to an ungrateful populace?
To strive, trying to earn Jokul's approval, his attention... Even a crumb of his help?
To build up the worship of Ualdir, to preach in his name, to offer what blessings and prayers I could over the years...

What was it for?

I have struggled uphill for decades. Stumbling, but never stopping. Fighting until there was nothing of me left... Even the very memories of my victories taken from me... Ripped away by that cursed blade.

My story is not even one I recall. I know the words. I know what I have been told. I know what little circulates. But my glory is not even known to me any longer.

I deserve better.
I deserve more.
Ualdir...
How long must I endure? I...
Please...
Let not my spirit...

[DragonDarklyDreaming]

Somehow, despite everything, I yet live.
Thanks to the many steps I've traveled, I have endured whilst everything around me has turned to ash. I lose track of all of those that I have known, that I have loved...
How many have died? How many have simply given up on this land and moved on to find happiness elsewhere? There is a part of me that is like them, that seeks to finally know peace.

Perhaps I will.

However, duty yet compels me to act. No longer simply for Ualdir's sake, nor even for the sake of my 'legend' that I sought for years. My Ten Impossible Goals...
They shall feed the flames of rebirth. Just as I shall.

Perhaps I will know peace...

But what follows after is war. From the ashes the phoenix yet shall rise. Everything is ready... Everything is in place. I make the final preparations, the final steps.
From the ashes shall she be born.