a magus in bloom

[Bluebird]

[Bluebird]

I should have been there.
Even though Lugh tells me not to blame myself, I should have been there.
I should have been watching over you, not from the distance at which I needed at the time, but from up close.
I'm sorry.
But you know,

I have never forgotten.
Not for a second.

Don't worry.
Remember your light.

I'll make sure you will not be alone the next time.
No... We'll make sure. Me, papa and Lugh.

This, a promise from me to you, although you do not know it.
Even if in your story, I am meant to be gone like dust within the wind.
I'm sorry I was a failure as a friend. I'm sorry I failed our promises.

So please.
Hold on to your light, Jackie.
And if you can't when you return to us,

then I'll lend you some of mine.
I have a lot to spare, after all.

[Bluebird]

I once sat, unsure of where I was meant to go.
Plans for the future; so easily sent upwards to the sky, the wind taking them where no one will know.

And yet within that empty space of uncertainty that began to blossom as those I held dear parted their ways from me,
you two were there. And though I still have my study, you paved the way for me to see the future I once dreamed of.
A future we can build together.

A future that I can protect.
A future that we can ensure reaches into the hearts of those who seek solace, shelter, hope...
Home.

This place that we are creating with the help of those we hold dear --
I promise this to you, my little friend of the light:

As long as I breathe,
as long as I exist...

Alongside you, I will be the Keeper and the Guardian of our newfound dream.
No harm will come to you or this garden and it's tree.

That light and hope you wish to spread...
It'll touch all of Meranthe.

[Bluebird]

♪

The first time I encountered despair was when I was out on an adventure with Bartholomew and Dokja.

We met Varrach; then, not an imperfect. Playing superheroes, were we.

At first, my intent was to simply proclaim that one day we'd bring him down...

But then, I witnessed the pain brought unto Dokja as he charged forth impulsively.

Anger at seeing such a dear friend tormented in pain caused me to act on impulse as well.
That was when Varrach taught me a lesson - one of scarred and broken bones, the occult resting within it's wounds and coursing through my veins.
It sought to reach my soul.
Instead, all I got were nightmares. Pain, despite the attempt to smile. Agitation and fear rocking my being.
The second and numerous times were seeing those I cared for in disarray; injured, at hope's end...

I heard your fears. I heard your wish, Lirael.
I saw your desire to grow, and I wished you to flourish.
And I'm so, so proud of you.
No matter how much you struggle within the chains of your anger...
You blossomed. So, so brightly. The most beautiful of flowers beneath the moon.
And you can blossom even more.

Lugh.
You who I love so much; you who felt as if he did not matter, as if he was not deserving to be known.
So desperately did I want you to learn that was not the case. So desperately did I bug you, incessantly, to get it across.
To know that it worked and you see merit in yourself and your actions brings me the greatest of joys.
You, my guiding moon within the night that had threatened to overtake me...
Did you know?

You have so much farther to go, too.
Don't doubt yourself anymore.

Dokja, my bygone friend.
I miss you. I think of you often. You were the only one that had been given insight to my fears, my worries.
You were the first to know of that which plagued me. The first I could rely on, because I knew you'd understand.
Are you well?
Are you happy?
Are you thriving? Did you find what you sought?
I hope you're at peace, my friend...
And I hope you know that my doors are always open for you.

Jackie.
The two of us are one and the same.
I hope you could forgive me for my actions back then.
But know that you always have my support, as you did then.
That prayer I gave you -- it never ceases. Let it carry you unto the new morrow.

Eleos!
Upon meeting you, I felt as if my true calling was found.
That dream we have is proceeding well.
And... thank you.
My heart was at risk of being enshrouded by a darkness, unbeknownst to all.
I think it's because of you I was able to keep my shine.

Lila.
My sweet, adoptive, elder sister.
How the world fights against you, tooth and nail...
The pain of your heart and soul knowing no bounds.
You, who feel as if existence is nothing but pain--
I hope that soon, I can show you that there's still a warm, budding light within your chest.
Simply waiting to be released.

---

I had a dream.
While Hulda flushed out the remainders of the occultic taint, I had a dream...
The fields were vast, a beautiful meadow with flowers growing every which way, spread across wide.
The sky was blue and bright - a cloud dotting it, every now and then.
And within that vast center, a magnificent, glowing tree; windchimes hanging from the branches.
So familiar, so warm. At peace, I finally felt! And it was as if it spoke to me; the gentle chiming of a voice.

'All will be well. Have faith.'

To Eleos I spoke.
He told me cosmic and holy magi can have visions, sometimes.
Was Solais reaching to me in that dream? Or...
Was it that once my spirit was free of it's negative shackles, my mind was opened?

I don't know.
Except for one thing.

Alacritas, watch over me.
Your kindness and love I will spread.
Your harmony, I will embody.
Assist me in reaching out to those I hold dear -
and those I've yet to meet.
Alacritas, I wish for them all to know it's okay to live.

And I wish to seek out what your meaning of life is.
Pray, watch over me, Alacritas.

I want to protect that which you created.
I want to protect the life that I have begun to cherish greatly.
Lux Aurea, our garden. Solais, our tree of hope.

Shall we find the meaning together?

[Bluebird]

So much has transpired in my life.
I have seen and experienced things that would make and have made most give up, or curse the world.
So close was I to doing just that.

But I remembered what it felt like,
to walk along the shores...
To let my feet touch the grass, to hear the birds sing their songs.
To breathe in fresh, crisp air; to see and hear the laughter and smiles upon my friends and loved ones faces...
And even strangers.
And then, my husband and my children...

Do you remember?
We wished, and hoped, and made it a reality.

And now, we both are linked forevermore to Solais...
Even though we are aware of the meaning of this;
we cannot age naturally, we cannot die naturally.

When Solais is injured, when Solais is at death's door, that is when we are.
But we still did this...

For we are together with Solais.
We are here to help safeguard life, to help bring hope, to ensure the dawn shall always rise after the night.
I may no longer truly be a human, but for humanity I will remain steadfast with you, my friends, Eleos and Solais.

We have much to see,
much to watch,
and much to protect.