the prettiest star

[Eulogy]

ballet.
 
oh, does it soothe me.
 
a wonderful distraction from daily annoyances,
like my little brother for instance. he's always
eating his ice cream, getting things sticky. he's
always so whimsical, wanting to play when it's
the time for work. he sneaks out so, so often.
he thinks i don't notice, but i do, yet i can't
bring myself to tell when he does. maybe i'll
threaten him with the fact when i need him
for something. i think that sounds funny.
 
...
 
no, i'm not cruel. i'm not mean, either.
 
it's not my fault every boy i know is just annoying.
if i have the opportunity to find humor from their
misfortunes, then so be it. it's the least they can
do while they keep me from focusing on the
things that matter, like my ballet and my blade.
a proper princess must be both elegant and able

to defend herself after all, so this is what i'll

work towards. i will be a model daughter,

a person that mother can be truly proud of.

 

...
 
look out world, here i come.

 
 

[Eulogy]

 
killing.
 
it's a means to an end.
 
i have not yet had the displeasure of personally
ending someone's life, but i was fourteen years
old when i sentenced someone to their death.
the executioner told me that one must live to
tell the tale while the other one must become
the tale. i always thought our enemies would
come in the form of terrible, eldritch beings,
but the ones that sat before me were nothing
but scared girls, crying as i struggled to decide
who would continue and who would not.
 
...
 
by leonaus, i'm so weak.
 
i almost vomited as i watched that hallowed
blade plunge into that girl's form. do you want
to know what her last words consisted of? a
goodbye to her sister, then a thank you to me
for choosing her over the younger one. despite
the comforting of my mother, i can't get the scene
out of my mind. why do i feel so awful? why
can't i be as firm and sure of myself as my mother?
why can't i just close my heart off to my enemy?
 
...
 
it's all so tiring, but i'll just have to bear it.
yes, i must remember that what i did
today was something few people can do.
it was a good thing. it was a just thing.
 
 

[Eulogy]

 
war.
 
is there anything quite like it?
 
never before have i experienced something
that gives me the same mixture of trepidation
and excitement. one false move and it could
potentially spell your end, but find an opening
on your opponent? you'll possibly taste the
sweetest thing you could ever imagine.
i think i enjoy it. i think i enjoy fighting. it's
fun to put myself against an opponent
and exert power in such a primal fashion.
 
...
 
did i make a face during it?
 
friends of mine have often pointed out that
sometimes i express emotions without
even realizing it. a girl who hides her face with
 a long and flowing scarf claimed that i looked
tense. my loyal retainer asked if i was doing
well, possibly because of the expression
i was wearing, so i wonder, what kind of
face did i have on during that bout?
did i look happy? afraid? determined?
all i know is that while feeling
my own blood run down my visage,
one thing is certain:
 
...
 
i want more of it.
not only because our battle
against the wicked is righteous, but
because battling against the wicked is fun.

 

 

[Eulogy]

 
sand, i hate it.
 
it gets everywhere.
 
i know, it's almost comical hearing an ice mage
complain about such a thing, but a skirmish in the
desert happened to lead into one of my most painful
memories. the look on her face as she left and the
look on his face as i left are things that i'll never
forget. it's... regrettable that things turned out
that way, but they were necessary, i think. i hope.
i can't help but to wonder if things could have turned
out differently, though. perhaps if i was a little more
understanding, or a little more calm, i wouldn't be
feeling this way, but oh well. i think they might
be gone for good.
 
...
 
i deserve it.
 
it's a skill of mine, after all, earning the ire of others.
people like me shouldn't have people like those two.
i deserve to be by my lonesome; i am sure i have more
in common with a blizzard than the residents of the
city i call home, for i should absolutely be avoided
at all costs. there is only one thing stopping me
from shutting myself away from the world, however,
and that is my pride. i have roles to play, you see.
i am a hand that holds a blade and a head that
is supposed to wear a crown. a soldier doesn't need
to think, they just need to fight in the name of their home.
a queen doesn't need friends, she just needs to be strong
and astute enough to have allies. it's harsh, but it's
true, and i can take solace in this because...
  
...
 
it's all i'm worth at the end of the day.
as long as i can wear a crown and hold a
sword, i'll have responsibilities and tasks.
i shall continue to perform for my city
until i am either killed or discarded.