under her wings

[ByePolar]

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The world is bearing down on me. I was always strong, but this is a weight I've never felt before. The weight of my own dreams. The weight of my mother's will. The weight of my sibling's safety. The weight of the Ebonblooded's future. Part of me thinks I can't carry all this weight...

Part of me knows I'm the only one that can.

My eyes see a world growing alongside me. One ruled by hatred and violence. I was raised in thrive within it, but I wonder if there's another way. A way where I won't have to kill the ones who don't deserve it. If I tear down those walls where will he be left to grieve? If I erase that city who will I cast my line with? Maybe there's no answer...

Hatred is eternal.

My eyes only see vengeance.
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✳ 
How am I supposed to survive in a world made for demise?
Sometimes I think it'd feel nice to be a kid again, but I can't. I'm growing too fast for my own good.
Is this how you felt watching all of us?
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If only I knew.
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Rise.
Bathe.
Eat.
Stretch.
Pray.
Grieve.
Fight.
Fight.
Fight.
Eat.
Bathe.
Sleep.

 ✳
Repeat.


I'm tired.

[ByePolar]

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I failed. I thought it was possible, but despite my beliefs, there are some things I can't accomplish. One of them is protecting my siblings. On that fateful day of Stella's death, I made a promise. Not one of my siblings would fall under my eyes. I would be their Naysien, they would fly under my wings. My blade would be the tool to allow their safety. I was beginning to believe I could do it. Despite our differences, I had kept them alive - maybe not safe, but alive.

And now I'll be the one to send my sister to the afterlife.

I'm sorry, mom. I failed you. Noel always used to preach to me that reality was an opinion, one you could bend with your own will. I've done it in the past, manipulating the whims of the world through sheer might. Unfortunately, this will be the first time I've failed. When it mattered the most my body couldn't match my will. But there's no other option at this point. I'm done trying to restrain myself.

The whispers are turning into screams.

It's calling...

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Who am I to resist the urges of this blade?
It's bloodlust is insatiable. It hungers beyond belief.
I'm just a tool to enact bloodshed in it's name.
And I can't fight it any longer.

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I'm about to give in.
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Rise.
Bathe.
Eat.
Stretch.
Pray.
Cry.
Slaughter.
Cleave.
Rend.
Avenge.
Eat.
Bathe.
Pray.
Sleep.
✳

Repeat.

I'm done.

[ByePolar]

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I'm done crying. All my life I've been stricken by grief. Death has plagued my existence no matter how far I run. Every time I cry and weep at the sight of someone I love dying. It's over now. There's not a death left that'll hurt me more than my mother or sister. There's no more room to grieve. I know better now. It only wastes precious time in pursuit of something greater...

My vengeance.

There's too many people to name now. I can't possibly do it for them all, so I'll just do it for myself - and Her. Naysien's the last one left and she's the only one that won't leave. The energy I used to spend crying will now be spent claiming the vengeance they never got to reap. I was born into this life. I am the definition of an avenger. There's nothing holding me back now.

I'm giving in.

Those calls will become my own.

✳ 

✳ 
I am Naysien's Herald. I am revenge incarnate.
They say only those who weren't sane to begin with could wield this blade. I know that now.
Only those insane enough to watch everyone die around them and still keep going could swing this sword.
There's far too much blood on my hands to turn back now.
I'll kill them all.

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Don't worry everyone. I'll carry what you cannot in death.
✳ 
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
Avenge.
✳ 
Repeat until you can't anymore.


I'm ready.