I Don't Know Who I Am

[Sunsets over Moonlight]

. . .
I am-... Nothing new, nothing changed. Look back, thirty-five autumns. Count them all, each second and what they meant and what happened and what didn't happen and why you can't stop and why you can't get out of bed and why meaning is lost and why you'll never be enough and why-

. . .
 

Someone I want to know better

once spoke tired in my ear

about everything that never happened.

 

They melted pretty

into words empty

devoid of any meaning.

 

Cloaked in lilies

that blossomed

solely under moonlight.

 

To me, burnt out

scorched by sun's light,

"I never liked your smile."

 

Someone I want to know better

through red blotched teeth

hidden to the world uttered

 

"You are better quiet."

So my lips shut

crimson staining white.

 

Closed, silvery petals

under sunrise

slumbering beneath waking rays.

 

Stir it

and the petals crumble brown,

dusted opportunity in the wind.

 

Someone I want to know better

couldn't hold it together.

Knees blue and red and purple.

 

There is no better time to die.

Hot splatters over verdant bars

it will be all you are. 

Orange marignolias around stiff fingers,

"You should stop."

Autumn's peak in brown, dying leaves

  

Dancing at nature's pace,

Her whim Her own

and prayers for

 

Someone I want to know better.

. . .