An Irrelevance of Breath

[Nectarine Sunset]

we were made to bleed like this.

we were made to bleed and die.

You can tell me we aren't. I will say that you're lying. 

After all, you are, aren't you? There's no reason we aren't.

A long life. A restful death. How possible is it?

Is it only possible when nobody is looking at you anymore?

then again, nobody is really seeing me anyway.

we were made to breathe in life.

you breathe as easily as you lie.

The first time I saw somebody die, I was seven.

It was a peaceful thing; Father coaxed them into their rest.

He told me later he had mixed it himself.

I hated the concept of taking a life, even if they wanted it.

thinking of it makes me throw up.

we burn. we fall. we scream. we cry.

just how many of you have caused it now?

Nowadays, I carry no burden I wish to carry.

Everything is harder here. It is less simple. I know.

You are warriors, and I am not, even if I could be.

Though I stand outmatched, I swing-

i know it is a foolish errand instantly.

where does a dance, then, end?

right back where it began, of course.

I am unsure of myself. Life is ashen now.

There are no indicators for how I feel. I feel nothing.

Do I like this? I can't tell. I don't let them see the cause.

Nothing is allowed to simply be mine.

could that be why i hate the doting so much?

we are left to wonder why we suffer.

it is because we, i, have asked for it.

I wonder how long this feeling will last.

Who will I ask to treat me? Will they cast judgement?

... I honestly can't bring myself to care right now.

Darkness is comfortable. This can be made so, too.

it's far too easy now, lying to myself.

to live is to suffer. thus, we bleed.

we will never be saved from ourselves.

May Caius hold my heart.