11-11-2023, 12:54 PM
I do not remember the last time I had written in this log. Not that it really matters, in the grand scheme of things, but it brings me small comfort.
Father, I think I know why you did not allow me tears. You knew deep down how much suffering there truly was to behold in this world. But I suspect you also knew how cold I could be should things truly reach such a point. To even consider unsealing some of those documents for use, should be a cause of concern, and yet, surprisingly those close are not surprised such an option exists.
Thankfully, my people, as odd as they are, keep the checks and balances in order. For without them, the title of Sovereign would be nothing but words. It still confuses me greatly when they ask why I ask, in their eyes, pointless questions, when it is in fact to have a total picture. I have seen the results on one sided information, and frankly its results are disgusting. But despite all of that, I have trust in them. And they have rewarded my trust with results that one could only dream of in most cases. What I thought would take until 2100 to rebuild in its entirety might be possible sooner. Alas, this land has a rather nasty habit of kicking one in the ribs when one least expects it. I have to make sure we are ready for that, even if it means making hard choices.
However, if I had one thing I worried about, it would be how many more friends and should it come to pass, family I can bear to lose before I finally break. That burden never gets any lighter. I wonder how you carried the weights you did, Father, considering your history. Although I suppose that is why the adjustments and regulations on my emotions are the way they are.
Father, I think I know why you did not allow me tears. You knew deep down how much suffering there truly was to behold in this world. But I suspect you also knew how cold I could be should things truly reach such a point. To even consider unsealing some of those documents for use, should be a cause of concern, and yet, surprisingly those close are not surprised such an option exists.
Thankfully, my people, as odd as they are, keep the checks and balances in order. For without them, the title of Sovereign would be nothing but words. It still confuses me greatly when they ask why I ask, in their eyes, pointless questions, when it is in fact to have a total picture. I have seen the results on one sided information, and frankly its results are disgusting. But despite all of that, I have trust in them. And they have rewarded my trust with results that one could only dream of in most cases. What I thought would take until 2100 to rebuild in its entirety might be possible sooner. Alas, this land has a rather nasty habit of kicking one in the ribs when one least expects it. I have to make sure we are ready for that, even if it means making hard choices.
However, if I had one thing I worried about, it would be how many more friends and should it come to pass, family I can bear to lose before I finally break. That burden never gets any lighter. I wonder how you carried the weights you did, Father, considering your history. Although I suppose that is why the adjustments and regulations on my emotions are the way they are.
Arista, I am sorry I could not be there for you when you needed a friend.
![[Image: Safe.png]](https://i.ibb.co/rHXyF6p/Safe.png)