I Don't Know Who I Am

[Sunsets over Moonlight]

    no one no        one      no         one noone no            one         no             one     none     no one

. . .
there's a poem no one will ever see,
its pages lit with moonlight
sitting there ever since the sun set.

brewing for eighteen years.

eighteen, since life began,

eighteen years and there's...

. . .

no one at my front
or my side
no one behind me.
i'm searching
it feels aimless
how i look from side to side
desperate.
where did they all go?
or did i imagine they were there in the first place?
does She test me with 
grand illusions that i believed to be real?
it was real,
but it's gone.
whatever i leaned on when nothing else was there.
bitter, the taste in my mouth
or is it copper
clinging to my throat.
all i see is red,
and you aren't there
to clear my vision.
diamonds in the river,
the rough
held so dearly in my hands.
they're cut
from those unrefined edges.
where did it go?
they were just in my hands.
i see the red it left,
the delicate etches
that runs along those
natural folds.
was this always meant to be?
or was no one there to begin with?

why is it so hard
for people to look at me?
no one has ever looked at me
except those diamonds
in the rough.
i found it and it me.
maybe they never,
and i was never found.
will anyone look for me
if i'm no longer here?
will anyone notice?
maybe not
 

because no one was ever there,
i was never there.
why were you never there?