Wearing a Smile

[SilkiyTea]

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Three years. It's been three years since my first Mother died, since my Father showed me his 'Smile', and since I've ran away from home. I'm fourteen going on fifteen, and I've met wonderful people that have shown me that there's a world beyond the despair that I wallowed in. No longer do I feel that need to hurt people, to make them see and feel the things that I have felt.

For every piece of strife. For every death. For every ounce of pain, fear, and suffering that's been inflicted on me... I've managed to find my respite and revelry. I've managed to grow beyond, beyond the whispers and dreams my father tried to force onto me. Beyond the defeat and fear that gripped my heart.

I have found my revelry amidst my strife and struggles, and because of that... Because of that..

I shall never falter.

My fears, my traumas, and my pains fuel my magic. But those moments of excitement and joy, the celebrations and smiles. The ability to find a joke or a grin amidst fear, is helping me temper it. I have ran from many things, and many monsters, and so many people. But I won't flee anymore. I'll close my eyes and remember what truly frightens me to feel that strength. Then, I will remember the smiles of my friends, my siblings and my mother, I will remember the lessons I've been taught! And I will carry forward, even in the most frightening of moments.

Sometimes at night, when I'm alone, I will offer a prayer of my own. I like to think it helps.

So that you remember that you're not alone, that you must have had your own celebrations.

That in this strife and struggle. I hope you can find your joy.

Looking back on all of my disjointed writings from before I'd made friends, talked to people, and was taken in... I see the mind of a child on the brink. Father, you almost won. You were close, I feel. Maybe that is why you still sometimes lurk in the shadows, or whisper in my dreams. But unlike you, I've found a way to have fun with the life I've been given! And fun I shall have! I will celebrate, I will feast, I will laugh and fight! Dance and sing! 

I think it's time I close this book for now, and focus on my steps forward. The past has its important stuff, and I will still cling to all of the scary moments and trauma I've experienced and let it build my strength, my power. But I won't wallow in it. I won't succumb to despair. I'll never be like my father. I'll be like Tris, and I'll climb from the depths of it. I'll be like you, and cherish the sweetest moments hidden among the dreary. I'll be... Myself.

I'll always wonder if we did the right thing. After hearing those words. Hearing your peoples cries.

Maybe one day, when I'm old and decrepit, I'll make a one way trip.

To that dungeon that lays within the mists.

And see if we did.