I wanted Ember to live. Everyone I spoke with reiterated that she was to be killed for the crime of Necromancy and association with her sociopathic wife, Nekane. Despite Ember being one of the kindest people in my life who seemed so incapable of wrongful intent. After everything had transpired they told me it was a lie to test her loyalty. Part of me suspects Solomon knew of my involvement and spoke those words to illicit a reaction. If they are true, however... Their weight is only held in the moment. I have seen us betray the trust of our allies for momentary gain. In this society you must stand on equal footing, or be trampled beneath their feet. So In a moment of hypocrisy, I retaliated. I conspired with another and sent my prayers into the void to be heard by anything that might hunger for blood.
Whatever god I had awoken helped Vdalion take more lives than I intended.
Sozha is dead. A small part of me pities her, like an all but silent whisper of empathy towards an irredeemable soul. But most of all I feel relief. She was a pupil studying my technique. Now she will be unable to abuse it in this life. I later learned she was Yami's lover, the Servant of Ember who betrayed her trust and lead to this series of events. Is it wrong of me to take a measure of pleasure from what Yami has lost? For what she nearly cost me was great... And her disloyalty and later disrespect was to be justly rewarded. I won't feign to believe this is Karma, for I know chance and circumstance is chaos, dictated only by the orderly flow of time.
But now bystander's litter the street besides the already rotten corpses of the recently necrotic. I could tell myself that it would have happened regardless of my involvement, but I sabotaged their defence by subverting their expectations. It resulted in outright chaos. Poor Elani was captured by the raiding party. She was always kind to me, or at least was not the worst of Aphrosi society. Now they will kill her and trap her soul in a lifeless husk. A fate worse than simple death. Much of the blame rests on my shoulders. I find myself conflicted with emotions as a result. Ember lives free now. No longer to be tortured by the faceless. No longer to be judged by those without a valid moral compass. But she is to be in the hands of those who will tarnish her light. Under the care of Vdalion she may yet become a monster.
If that day comes then I will accept responsibility. I will loathe myself for the consequences of my actions. But until then I will believe she can remain true to herself. I will put my faith in her humanity. She is free to continue walking the path that she chooses. The cause of her actions will hardly be without reason.
I perhaps wonder if I am changing as well.
My impulses are growing more erratic. My mind is becoming... itchy. It was gradual at first, but the sensation grows with my exposure to the portals that I create. I am feeling a sense of liberation and perhaps seduction towards my darker impulses. In many societies Riftmancy is outlawed, for it is a violation of the natural order. It is considered a corrupting magic in those cultures. It is only tolerated in Meranthe due to the tower of Aetius, which has normalised the usage of Portals as a tool to be exploited in the pursuit of knowledge and, above else, power. I do not question why my magic is considered a taboo, but part of me still believes I am above its influences.
And yet... The more I use it... The less concern I show towards what damage it might wrought.
It is... worrisome.
But I would not give up that sense of freedom for the world.
Elani was released by Vdalion. I am told most of their notable Magi wanted her turned into an undead creature. Yet by the word of one above others, she was released. This is good. The weight of one less life rests on my shoulders. I mourn for most of those caught in the crossfire of my selfish desires. I dipped my fingers into the lake and the ripples I wrought disturbed the natural flow of the water. But at least my chosen Kin remains free. A life without freedom is one that is poorly lived. I only wish she could understand that.
The faceless may yet hunt her. But with Sozha's death, Ember is safer. With their internal hypocrisy, one of their very number found to be a Necromancer, my own feelings of resentment feel more justified than they had been prior.
We war against Vdalion for enslaving souls, yet we allow the Faceless to act above the laws of Man and morality without consequences. The Oracle does nothing, or can do nothing. Aphros is a corruption that will attempt to spread at any cost. The lines between right and wrong grow more blurred for me by the day.
I loathe to think perhaps Vdalion succeeding in this war might lead to a brighter future, if certain hands guide the outcome. But the chances are slim. There is no clear path ahead.
Whatever god I had awoken helped Vdalion take more lives than I intended.
Sozha is dead. A small part of me pities her, like an all but silent whisper of empathy towards an irredeemable soul. But most of all I feel relief. She was a pupil studying my technique. Now she will be unable to abuse it in this life. I later learned she was Yami's lover, the Servant of Ember who betrayed her trust and lead to this series of events. Is it wrong of me to take a measure of pleasure from what Yami has lost? For what she nearly cost me was great... And her disloyalty and later disrespect was to be justly rewarded. I won't feign to believe this is Karma, for I know chance and circumstance is chaos, dictated only by the orderly flow of time.
But now bystander's litter the street besides the already rotten corpses of the recently necrotic. I could tell myself that it would have happened regardless of my involvement, but I sabotaged their defence by subverting their expectations. It resulted in outright chaos. Poor Elani was captured by the raiding party. She was always kind to me, or at least was not the worst of Aphrosi society. Now they will kill her and trap her soul in a lifeless husk. A fate worse than simple death. Much of the blame rests on my shoulders. I find myself conflicted with emotions as a result. Ember lives free now. No longer to be tortured by the faceless. No longer to be judged by those without a valid moral compass. But she is to be in the hands of those who will tarnish her light. Under the care of Vdalion she may yet become a monster.
If that day comes then I will accept responsibility. I will loathe myself for the consequences of my actions. But until then I will believe she can remain true to herself. I will put my faith in her humanity. She is free to continue walking the path that she chooses. The cause of her actions will hardly be without reason.
I perhaps wonder if I am changing as well.
My impulses are growing more erratic. My mind is becoming... itchy. It was gradual at first, but the sensation grows with my exposure to the portals that I create. I am feeling a sense of liberation and perhaps seduction towards my darker impulses. In many societies Riftmancy is outlawed, for it is a violation of the natural order. It is considered a corrupting magic in those cultures. It is only tolerated in Meranthe due to the tower of Aetius, which has normalised the usage of Portals as a tool to be exploited in the pursuit of knowledge and, above else, power. I do not question why my magic is considered a taboo, but part of me still believes I am above its influences.
And yet... The more I use it... The less concern I show towards what damage it might wrought.
It is... worrisome.
But I would not give up that sense of freedom for the world.
2015
Elani was released by Vdalion. I am told most of their notable Magi wanted her turned into an undead creature. Yet by the word of one above others, she was released. This is good. The weight of one less life rests on my shoulders. I mourn for most of those caught in the crossfire of my selfish desires. I dipped my fingers into the lake and the ripples I wrought disturbed the natural flow of the water. But at least my chosen Kin remains free. A life without freedom is one that is poorly lived. I only wish she could understand that.
The faceless may yet hunt her. But with Sozha's death, Ember is safer. With their internal hypocrisy, one of their very number found to be a Necromancer, my own feelings of resentment feel more justified than they had been prior.
We war against Vdalion for enslaving souls, yet we allow the Faceless to act above the laws of Man and morality without consequences. The Oracle does nothing, or can do nothing. Aphros is a corruption that will attempt to spread at any cost. The lines between right and wrong grow more blurred for me by the day.
I loathe to think perhaps Vdalion succeeding in this war might lead to a brighter future, if certain hands guide the outcome. But the chances are slim. There is no clear path ahead.
![[Image: dOmPfIR.png]](https://i.imgur.com/dOmPfIR.png)