02-24-2022, 07:06 PM
It occurred to me sometime that I didn't know what to write anymore. How take it, and put it on paper. So much had happened.
So much.
Even as I pressed pen to paper for the hundredth time I still didn't know how to express what I felt.
A long time ago, I met someone named Lythaniel. I made a promise to him. That we would build a bath house, because that stupid city state of Osrona didn't have a public bath for us to use. A dream born out of spite, but we never let go of it.
Today, I will be fighting against Osrona in a war.
I will most likely die.
How am I supposed to write this sort of thing down..?
There will be blood on my hands. Whether its mine or someone else's.
I live for that rush, I suppose.
Lythaniel told me he wanted to settle down after we built the bath house. That he wanted us to have a house. I always hated kids. I didn't have much of a childhood growing up, I suppose. After all the things I do to him, too...
We started dating a few months after we met. I remember I clenched my fists so tight that my hands started bleeding, because I'd punctured my skin with my claws. He was dense. He didn't get it. Until he did, I suppose. Because here we are.
I can't believe I'd be so selfish.
I don't care about New Tannen. Every person I've met here could die today and I wouldn't bat an eye. The only life that matters here is mine. I even forbade Lythaniel from coming with me. We argued about it. I won, eventually.
I always win. I'm starting to resent it.
Because I know I'm going to lose once. And it's going to destroy me when I do.
I don't want to settle down. I don't want to have a family. But I don't want to lose him. I don't want to die.
I would rather die than lose him.
My head's a mess. It always is when I think about him. It makes me wonder how I became the person I am. I don't know how he fell for me.
I really am selfish.
I'm overprotective of him. I'd probably break all a girl's fingers if she looked at him funny. I even put my quarters between the entrance and his so that I could protect him if someone broke in. Because I don't think he can protect himself. The gap between us is so small, but I can't stop myself. Because I didn't have any thing to live for when I woke up, and I only have him now. I used to be weaker than him. I drove myself into the ground training because I knew it wasn't good enough. I suppose the turning point was when I, bloodied and bruised, struck down a Grodolom. A thing I had fallen to before. But I heard it strike him. I heard him hit the ground. I realized that I needed to win.
I never really understood being empowered by your friends until then. I've never shaken so much. The weight of reality fully bearing down on me. If I lost, that was it. I realized that, then.
Today, I destroyed one. A Grodolom. I went into that lair again, and killed it without much thought.
I'm glad to know I'm better.
I hope it's enough.
I don't know what to write. So I won't write anything. Because if I left him without a goodbye, I would hate myself.
So I'll just have to live.
So much.
Even as I pressed pen to paper for the hundredth time I still didn't know how to express what I felt.
A long time ago, I met someone named Lythaniel. I made a promise to him. That we would build a bath house, because that stupid city state of Osrona didn't have a public bath for us to use. A dream born out of spite, but we never let go of it.
Today, I will be fighting against Osrona in a war.
I will most likely die.
How am I supposed to write this sort of thing down..?
There will be blood on my hands. Whether its mine or someone else's.
I live for that rush, I suppose.
Lythaniel told me he wanted to settle down after we built the bath house. That he wanted us to have a house. I always hated kids. I didn't have much of a childhood growing up, I suppose. After all the things I do to him, too...
We started dating a few months after we met. I remember I clenched my fists so tight that my hands started bleeding, because I'd punctured my skin with my claws. He was dense. He didn't get it. Until he did, I suppose. Because here we are.
I can't believe I'd be so selfish.
I don't care about New Tannen. Every person I've met here could die today and I wouldn't bat an eye. The only life that matters here is mine. I even forbade Lythaniel from coming with me. We argued about it. I won, eventually.
I always win. I'm starting to resent it.
Because I know I'm going to lose once. And it's going to destroy me when I do.
I don't want to settle down. I don't want to have a family. But I don't want to lose him. I don't want to die.
I would rather die than lose him.
My head's a mess. It always is when I think about him. It makes me wonder how I became the person I am. I don't know how he fell for me.
I really am selfish.
I'm overprotective of him. I'd probably break all a girl's fingers if she looked at him funny. I even put my quarters between the entrance and his so that I could protect him if someone broke in. Because I don't think he can protect himself. The gap between us is so small, but I can't stop myself. Because I didn't have any thing to live for when I woke up, and I only have him now. I used to be weaker than him. I drove myself into the ground training because I knew it wasn't good enough. I suppose the turning point was when I, bloodied and bruised, struck down a Grodolom. A thing I had fallen to before. But I heard it strike him. I heard him hit the ground. I realized that I needed to win.
I never really understood being empowered by your friends until then. I've never shaken so much. The weight of reality fully bearing down on me. If I lost, that was it. I realized that, then.
Today, I destroyed one. A Grodolom. I went into that lair again, and killed it without much thought.
I'm glad to know I'm better.
I hope it's enough.
I don't know what to write. So I won't write anything. Because if I left him without a goodbye, I would hate myself.
So I'll just have to live.