They fear that of which they don't understand

[Retro]

"Be not afraid, for it knows when you are scared."

Esshar, Starfall Academy.
Summer, 1885.

My dreams have been filled with the things I have seen.

"Why hello there. What's a young one like you doing here?"

She was right. Far too right, and a lot different from what I expected. Kind, caring, supportive. Albeit weird but, I don't think it subtracts from what makes her a good person.

"If I tell you my story, do you believe it would provide you more context for my words?"

She comforted me, wiped the drool from my face. 

"You know that's a new one."

I must seem pathetic.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm okay with being called mom."

But she listened to my ideas, she smiled, she laughed, and answered all of my silly questions, and all I can dream about is what I saw that day.

"I think that's a possibility. It's not something I'd ever be able to accomplish."

The answer to my question. The Abyss I have stared at for so long. The Abyss that stared back at me. Watching. Waiting. Listening, waiting for my slightest hesitation. 

"You have treated it well in your time here, so I'm fairly sure it won't poison you."

But I did it. I jumped. 

"Breathe in, breathe out."

And nothing can stop me now. 

"Let it take you where it you where it's going to."

My disease will be cured. I won't allow myself to go terminal. No, not now. Not ever. 

"Do not be afraid of it, or it will know."

Barsburg needs me, and for them I must progress. I must triumph. I must show them it can be done, I must show them how they can do it. There is no room for failure. We have long since passed that point, the point of no return. 

"You were meant to foster this, can't you see it?"

But first, I must go back. 

I must stare into the abyss again.

"Lust after whatever you desire. See where it leads you.

That's what change does, right, Patrick?"