A Stolen Journal

[Jess]

 
Why is it always me..?
  
Always my fault.
  
Always the reason fights begin.
Always the reason things go badly.
 
"You're an idiot... Violence isn't always the answer, Priscilla!"
 
"You think that I'm the problem. That I'm the one that has to change."
 
"Did you see mom last night?
Did you see her cry in front of you?
Crying because she thought she failed all of us!?
Did you?
No, you didn't.
She's in pain because of all that you guys seem to do."
 
"I'm not the problem."
 
"Yes, you are"
   
They just don't understand.
 
I'm right.
 
I have to be.
 
Otherwise bashing Melody's head on the wall was for nothing.
That my mother's tears were shed for just my own selfishness.
I can't accept that.
That would make me a monster too. 
This light, it's a part of me. I can't ignore it anymore.
The joy in release, is unlike anything I've felt.
Yet it's hungry, and I don't know how much I can afford to feed it.
How long before it begins to starve?
 How long before that euphoric fury simply becomes my existence?
How long before I don't want to let it go?
I'll hold on for you guys, I swear.
As long as I'm hunting the monsters, we don't have to worry.
I can't look in the mirror anymore.
Everything is under control.
It isn't.