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The Nice and Accurate Horoscopes of Agathe Croncelle

by Agathe Croncelle, and assistant Louis

  

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Greetings, Osrona! Many of you have already been privy to my horoscopes and prophecies in person, but now you may have your very own horoscope told, in this very print! Marvelous!

Here's how your horoscope works - Each month is linked to a specific branch of the constellation Leonaus. Find either the month you were born, or a Star you feel is more attuned to you lately, and read it! 

Without further ado, here are your horoscopes for the year 1663. Enjoy! Feel free to come find me in person if you'd like to learn more about the Celestial Charts or if you'd like your own personal fortune told. Great at parties!

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☉ - Leo : The Bright Star is currently in declension with Vulpes Major, the Foxfire Star. This means you should avoid kitsune at all costs! If it were in ascension, you should throw yourself at them, but not this time. If you're a kitsune yourself, avoid everyone.

♄ - Alph : Alph is in counter-heliophase with Elianna, the Ruby Monkey, leading to some strange events on the horizon. The Monkey is known to cause pranks, trickery, and nonsense, and being in heliophase with it means a lot of them. It's less of a warning, and more a suggestion to enjoy it and have fun and try not to let serious things bother you too much. Stress is bad for the health, you know!

⚶ - Geist : The Mover is in ascension with Dracaena, the Southern Eye, a star primarily known for being one under which prostitutes are born. That's pretty much all the celestial heavens have to say about that.

♐︎ - Phos : The Pinned Star is in an interesting three-way arrangement with Sepiida, the Anvil, and Betta, the Tiny Ship. The most likely result is a lot of awkwardness and uncomfortable moments in the forseeable future, especially when it comes to three people doing activities together.

Δ - Hiero : The House of Revision is in perfect alignment with both the Big Leaf Star and Hydrodamalis, the Spitting Star, which can only mean one thing. Avoid bablines! Oh no, the bablines! So many of them! Alternatively, if you are a Babline, how are you reading this paper?

☌ - Uner : The Comet is in apogee with Apodemus, the Nightingale Star, leading to long periods of rest and relaxation in store for you. Excellent! It doesn't necessarily mean you currently need or want rest and relaxation, but that's what's coming anyway whether you like it or not.

♈︎ - Biblos : The North Star is, rather oddly, not in alignment or a pattern with any other heavenly body right now. It's all by itself up there, all hot and lonely. Isn't that just a little bit sad? Maybe someone should send flowers.

Θ - Rhyt : The Mane is in ascension with Lacerta, the Dragonfly Star, and in descension with the unfortunately named Big Rod Star. I am assured repeatedly by my ancient books and tomes that the Big Rod is named after a person and not an object, but nothing beyond that. Sorry! Lacerta, on the other hand, is a severe warning to avoid swamps.

♆ - Vrona : Vrona is in declension with The Fountain, an unusual star with a somewhat fountainous look to it when squinted at in a certain way. Unfortunately this is not a simple warning to avoid falling into a fountain, but rather the more complex observation that your near future will be unseen, much like fountain water, until it sprays you directly in the face.

♊︎ - Anos : The Grand Planet is moderately aligned with Diceros, the Western Pickaxe. This is a clear sign that wealth is soon on the way in direct proportion to how much you work at it. Not much of a fortune, right? Anyone could have told you that. Well, consider it official now!

♅ - Neoi : The Swift Planet currently is in ascension with the bright blue star, Bombus Borealis, a brash and annoying body that streaks around the sky as if not knowing that it's supposed to stay in relatively the same place. Bombus is usually a signal from the cosmos that either you, or someone close, will have far, far too much energy and will distribute it quite obnoxiously in the near future.

♓︎ - Ios : The Large-- Well! I was going to lie about this one. A first! I never lie about my predictions. Goodness, what was I thinking. However, Ios is in an unusual declension with a star that is no longer spoken about or noted in many of the 'public' star charts. Luckily, it seems whatever events this might for tell for you, due to the declension pattern, may actually occur next year, rather than this year. The star was named Yauntu, the Harrowing Eye, in the Old Tongue, and I will speak no more of it than that.

And there are your predictions for 1663AC! Stay tuned for the next edition of The Nice and Accurate Horoscopes of Agathe Croncelle!