Another Cog in the Machine/ Previously Dream Journal

[SilkiyTea]

A fresh page has been opened in the dream journal. Its cover has been mutilated from the child-like drawings of yester-year, and now? Now a blood red cog with a skull in its center has been imprinted upon it. Ice enveloping the cover. The journal remains locked, but now? Its purpose is for something else, a diary of sorts.

Name: Anira
Gender: F
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Black
Magics: | Ice | Blood |
Amber Collection: A reasonable 138!
Height & Weight: 6'0 & 200, mostly muscle I think.

When Barsburg arrived in Osrona, I felt confident and in control. My future? It was set in stone, at least I felt it was. I'd risen in the ranks of the Authority, a Silvercap at sixteen. That's impressive, isn't it? Walter gave kudos, Misha was impressed by my strength. Everything was finally coming together. When Walter showed that he was one of them? I knew that I was too. He's Misha's uncle, and even I call him my uncle. He's my idol, he's everything I aspire to be. I've never met someone whose so confident but so fun-loving and lighthearted. Whose both genuine but somehow deceitful at the same time! He isn't evil, all of my old friends from Myllenoris and Nysea? They would call him evil, or disgusting, or foul. He's none of that.

He's family, and I love him to bits. One moment he can ready that sword of his, and cleave a demon in twine. The next? He can tease and laugh about the most ridiculous, silly things! Barsburg doesn't realize it, I don't think they do. They'll attribute the success of Osrona's downfall to Tanya, and Tanya alone. When? They're so, so wrong. If there was no Walter, there would be no Tanya. Hell! I don't even KNOW Tanya. Why the fuck would I follow her into battle!? She's stiff, concise. No, but she is the mastermind here, as smart as Walt is. She is the engineer, and Walter? Damn, Walter was the missing piece in their 'great machine'.

Tanya delivered Walter. Walter delivered Osrona, and not JUST Osrona. He delivered an army. We're 'Barsburg' now. But, we're only as Barsburgian as long as Walter is around. I don't think they realize that, how fucking thin the ice they're walking on is. How one mis-step. One little hairline fracture? And they'll plummet into the fucking cold, and go so damn deep that they'll never take another breath of air again. The only person even holding them up? Is Walter. And if I have to, I'll attest to that! I'll tell it to their face, if I knew it wouldn't upset him. Rats, I love how confident he is. How he didn't need to reaffirm his position. "Tanya, remind them of their rank.", like it was nothing. Because he already knows all this, doesn't he?

But, I find myself in a pickle. In a pit of unsettling doubt which I haven't felt in almost a full year. I thought I was done with feeling like some lost little girl. I'm big, I'm powerful. Even the stuck-up ones in Barsburg can agree to that. I'll always respect that sort of thing, people admitting to it, you know? When someone can match them, or beat them. Whatever. It doesn't matter, my Ma's in jail. That's what has shook my very foundation.

I don't want her to die. I don't know what I'll do, if she dies. Misha was the first person to ever see me. I was just on that bridge, staring at the water. Nobody ever talked to me before that, but she? She came up, called me pup. Fed me, nurtured me. Showed me the den. Everything, where I stand? Where I am? Who I am. Is because of Misha. I've lost a mother before, by my own hands. But I can't lose another, I don't know what I'll do if I lose another.

My family is Barsburg now. Misha said they would all follow Walt. Even I think I would follow Walt. But I just, don't know if I can do that, if she isn't around. I hope I'm just being scared of nothing. I hope I'm just doing that dumb shitty thing my brain loves to do! And this whole thing is a useless, pointless worry. I hope that Misha adapts. She's the one that taught me, right? Family does not fight family. And, considering Galv, Stav, Bolt, everyone! Fucking everyone! Stepped in line with me? This was a family decision.

Addendum: I love my family. And I am glad. I am so glad to have met them, and been with them. To have been taken in by them... Misha, Walter. They're both so much more than cogs in a machine. We're human, beastkin, whatever. But... No divines will hold us down. None ever will.