love me at the ungodly hour.

[Mali]

A woman's work.

A woman's prerogative.

A woman's time to embrace,

She must put herself first.

Entry Two: i'll do you dirty.

"I am afraid."

-Afraid of everything that looms within the dark. Afraid of the eyes that follow me- afraid of the hands that reach for me, afraid of the whispers that speak upon my neck when one might believe that I'm not noticing. It feels like ice upon my body. It smells like the iron in the air before lightning strikes. It's as cool as the first drops of rain that pitter-patters atop of my head- menacing and earthly, it carries a tune with it- a gentle hum that can not ever be mistaken. Perhaps, others might not notice it- but I can see it within the corner of my vision- stalking me when I'm having another conversation, laughing at me when I'm angry or stressed and upset at something that should mean little to a princess Queen like me. As much as you might think that I'm pretentious, you aren't wrong. The truth of the matter is that I have a right to be. I am the Daughter of Alexander ras Petrakis and Nebula Winterbourne and I am beautiful. I know so, because father says so. I know so, because the angels look upon my countenance and breath.

And I won't let him take that beauty away from me. I am like no other being within this realm- I am like no girl, no boy, no woman, nor man, nor creature, nor deity. My spirit is as illustrious as they come- I am bright, I am brighter than what one could ever imagine and I refuse to be sullied by the hands of someone who believes that they can take everything from me. I am immaculate. . . .And I will fight to prove that my birth right will forever stand tall with me. But that doesn't mean that this won't happen, because I know- because I know that...

He's coming and I'm afraid.

I prepare myself for the storm each night- and between the tumultuous thunder and the swollen clouds that loom above ahead, I can never tell when it's going to happen, but I know that it's coming. There is no presence of rain, instead, it is much harsher than what one would have imagined-...A biting cold that nips on my fingertips and toes, it makes me tremble when I ready the jewels and diamonds on my bodice, but I am remain steady and unwavering-...Because I do not plan on merely being swept up within the mass unwillingly, instead, I plan on allowing myself to be consumed. By the ice and the thunder and the lightning and the winds that threaten to sweep me up. and swallow me whole. If I am to die, then I am to die beautifully. If I am to be sacrificed, then I will be sacrificed in opulence and wealth, drowning in diamonds and pearls. I repeat this mantra so that I will not be broken- that I am beautiful, that I am untouchable, not because I say so, but because Papa says so.

To others, the night time is silent- but to me, I hear the calling of the storm- the caress of winds on my arms and legs, promising to whisk me away with a false sense of security. But I know better than that-...When he calls, I will not go to him. He will come. He will come to me. And when he does, I will die a thousand times over, but I will do so while knowing my worth. And so, I prepare. I act like mother when she's thinking, stressed- the wine glass swirling in my hand, jewels dancing between my index and thumb like knives, while presenting myself to be a delicacy- a gift. When he comes, I will be afraid. I will not struggle. I will die, and die beautifully. And I will be better....Even if I am broken, I will always be better.

"I am Carlisle ras Petrakis, and I will allow no man, no woman, no spirit, angel, demon, devil, primordial or anything to break me. I might be afraid, but I will not be weak. I am beautiful. I am untouchable, not because I say so, but because Father tells me."

So, when he comes to me on this night, I will ruin him. I will make him bleed. I will kill him. That much, is certain.