love me at the ungodly hour.

[Mali]

"You know that I've heard it all before
You're hesitant, wish you could give me more
I know you like to play those silly games
When you're done, call my name."

Entry One: i wonder what she thinks of me.

"I'm afraid."

Ever since you left, I've had stars in my eyes. The kind that comes when the sun starts to set over the plantations and the sky becomes filled with pink and yellow. The kind that comes when all of the colors vanish and the ones that remain are the things that remind me of you the most. -I remember, you once told me that the night is a beautiful woman...Her face as spotless as the moon, her hair stretching as long as the sky and all those stars are crystals and jewelry to make her that much more wanted. I knew you weren't speaking about me then. But there was something that made me want to believe that I could become just as beautiful...That when people would look at me, they would look at me the way that they look at Aeliana. That they would smile and promise to protect me- not because of their duty, but because they like me. But perhaps, I was my own destruction-...I couldn't handle it when people said that others would do terrible things to me. I couldn't handle it when I would look at her and see how people would pledge. and honestly, I, admittedly, was jealous. Because I wanted something that I felt as if I could never have. All I wanted- all I want is to be loved.

I got lost in the feeling of being alone. I never fit in. I never thought to make friends with the people around because I'd hear the same thing over and over again and it hurts. Everything hurts to be confronted with the truth, but it doesn't matter. And when Aeliana and I fought for the first time, I said some things to her that I never wanted to say because as much as I hate my sister....I love her. It might be hard to believe but no matter how much I try to say that I'd like for her to go away for ever...After you left, she and father are the only things that I have left. My only family. The only thing that makes me feel remotely....human.

Do I disappoint you, mother? Is it because I'm soft- If you were here and you seen the way that father would look at me when I tell him that I'm leaving, you would understand. It might not look like it, but I know that when he frowns...He's dying on the inside. He tries to hide his emotions from everyone but I know how papa feels and I know...I know that it was like you leaving him all over again when I told him that I hated him. And the worst part about it all...Was that he called me you. I don't think I could ever be like you, but...Even then, I do think that you still loved him. How couldn't you when he's the most innocent thing here...How could you be when he tries so hard to do right, only for others to hate him? It almost feels as if he's helpless...And I think that's what makes me hurt the most. If he were just a bit more angry...A bit more terrible to me...A bit more of everything, I could leave him be- I could leave forever and not turn back but....Every time I come back, he always has this little smile. I hate it, but...It's still there- so much so, that I think that I've nearly cried every time he'd look at me.

I love papa...

It's getting hard to wear all of these masks. At times, I think that I'm starting to forget who I am....At times, I think that I'm starting to forget which part of me is real and which part of me is fake, but even then, I still-...I still want to do what you taught me. I'm sorry that I'm so weak...I'm sorry that I'm not enough. Please-...Please, forgive me mother.

-The entry is closed...At the bottom of the page, there seems to be a drawing of a family of three. A father, his two daughters. They all hold hands, surrounded by pretty little roses, each one symbolizing something different. For now, this book remains under lock and key, hidden beneath her bed...Enchanted, so only those who know the secret phrase could unlock it.