THE CROWBERT GOSSIP

[Boneless Pizza]

A little ahead of schedule, Stefano Crowbert's lackies fan out across Esshar to spread some juicy information. Do they even have any real perception of time? Probably not!

"CAWHAHA TIME FOR THE CROWBERT GOSSIP! LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!"

The gossiping crows tend to roam in pairs and, based on how loud and vulgar they are at all times, one could only assume they might be deliberately trying to get under people's skin.

“HEY, HEY-- DID YOU HEAR? APPARENTLY KOFE OF ILBURG CLAIMS HE CAN PREVENT THE INFLUENCE OF THE OCCULT!”
“WOW, HE MUST BE FUCKING CRAZY HIMSELF IF HE THINKS HE CAN PULL THAT ONE OFF! PROPS TO THAT GUY FOR TOYING AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF NUTCASES!”
“MAYBE HE’LL CRACK ONE OF THEM OPEN AND PUSH THEM OVER THE EDGE! WOULDN’T THAT BE HILARIOUS?”
“I COULD GO FOR SOME PISTACHIOS RIGHT ABOUT NOW!”


“SO THEY SAY THAT HOT WITCH HENRIETTA’S SINGLE NOW! HER PARTNER LEFT THE NEST AND WENT STRAIGHT TO ???!! MAYBE HE’S HAVING A NICE TALK WITH THE DARK LORD RIGHT ABOUT NOW?”
“CAH! MORE IMPORTANTLY, MAYBE I FINALLY HAVE A CHANCE WITH HER MYSELF! TOO BAD SHE’S FUCKING TERRIFYING!”


“GUESS WHAT? APPARENTLY THERE’S SOME GUILD AROUND CALLED THE NIGHTBOUND THAT ACCEPTS DEMONS AND OCCULTISTS INTO THEIR RANKS!”
“SOUNDS REAL SCARY! TOO BAD NOBODY KNOWS SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING THEY’VE DONE, HUH? MAYBE THEY’RE JUST SOME STORY HUMAN MOMS TELL THEIR HUMAN KIDS BEFORE BED TO MAKE THEM BEHAVE… HUMANLY!!!!”


“THEY SAY THAT ESBERN COS SALIS OF NYSEA’S GOT HIS EYE ON ANASTASIA VEN ASTOR!”
“GROSSSSS! HAS HE BEEN GROOMING HER THIS WHOLE TIME?”
“I BET HE’S JUST GOT A THING FOR BLONDE NOBLE LADIES! OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW I SAY! I HEAR HER FAMILY’S WAY MORE LOADED THAN HIS WIFE’S ANYWAYS!”


“DID YOU HEAR THAT THE OSRONAN ELECTIONS WERE RIGGED?”
“I’M NOT SURPRISED SINCE THEY LET A BORING WOMAN BE IN CHARGE! WHAT GIVES WITH THAT ANYWAYS?”
“SUPPOSEDLY MANY OF THE CANDIDATES WERE ATTACKED BY MEMBERS OF THE VIGILANT WATCH! MAYBE SHE’S SECRETLY THEIR SLAVE THAT THEY WANTED ELECTED SO THEY COULD HAVE MORE POWER? I HEAR HER PEOPLE WERE INTO THAT SORT OF KINKY SHIT FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS!”


“WORD IN THE STREETS IS THAT THERE ARE RATS AROUND EATING CHILDREN! OR WAS IT SOMETHING ABOUT THEM BEATING CHILDREN? EITHER WAY, I’D PAY GOOD STOLEN COIN TO WATCH THAT!”
“NOT LIKE HUMANS CAN’T JUST HATCH MORE CHILD SOLDIERS! OFF TO THE MEAT GRINDER WITH THEM!”
“CAN I EAT THE REMAINS?”


“APPARENTLY THAT NAUGHTY TERAPHIM RO’S BEEN SLAUGHTERING INNOCENTS IN OSRONA AND NYSEA AGAIN!”
“ISN’T THAT WHAT TERAPHIM DO THOUGH? IT’S KIND OF THEIR SHTICK! IF YOU ASK ME, THERE’S NO BETTER WAY TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT THAN A LITTLE GOOD OLD FASHIONED GENOCIDE!”
“CAWHA! MAYBE THEY WOULDN’T BE THAT BAD IF THEY WERE DOING IT FOR THE DARK LORD!”


“YOU DIDN’T HEAR IT FROM ME, BUT APPARENTLY MISHA PAID SOME THERIAN MERCENARIES TO KILL PRINCE ODIN!”
“I’M SURE EVEN A LIGHT BREEZE COULD’VE KILLED PRINCE ODIN! NO SURPRISE THAT SHE DIDN’T WASTE HER TIME ON IT!”
“WHERE’D SHE GET THE MONEY TO PAY THEM THOUGH? DON’T MICE SPEND ALL THEIR COIN ON FANCY CHEESES OR SOMETHING? CRAZY!”


“ACCORDING TO OUR MASTER, EVERY HUMAN IN ESSHAR IS PRETTY STUPID!”
“HAVE THEY STILL NOT FOUND OUR MASTER? HE’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE!”
“RIGHT THERE WAITING TO CAUSE CHAOS FOR THE DARK LORD DURING THIS POINTLESS WAR!! NO WONDER HE HAS SO MUCH FUN AT THEIR EXPENSE! HOW GULLIBLE CAN THEY ALL GET?”


“SOUNDS LIKE THERE’S SOME PRETTY LITTLE DOCTOR TERAPHIM GOING AROUND WITH THEIR SIDE BOY CHEF COOKING UP TROUBLE!”
“I HEARD YOU CAN PAY THEM TO DO SOME WORK FOR YOU, BUT WHAT DO THEY EVEN DO?”
“SINCE IT’S A TERAPHIM, THEY’RE PROBABLY WORKING WITH THE KID TO CHOP UP SOME HUMANS TO EAT! DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS! ENCORE!!!”

With their horrible gossip spread all about, the crows retreat back away till more rumors reach their ears. Ever would they watch and wait for more.