Is It Easy? -- Gabriel

[Charon]

Spring 1739 AC - Gabriel B 

Dear Journal,

Do the angels and stars even listen? I've been in the church for a year, and studied hard. . .praying everyday. War has reached the city now, but it felt like everyone was fighting each other instead of worrying about the enemies. I'm scared. . .Nicholas was with me when we heard the king speak. I saw the Arch Priest, and so many others. . . but everyone was on edge, and yet someone tried to punch the king! I don't know anymore, maybe the old man was right. Maybe Osrona will fall. . . but why? We have tried to do nothing but help people. 

I also told Nicholas my biggest secret; that I'm chronically ill. He's pretty funny he said he was going to protect me but if Osrona falls. . .I don't want him to die. I don't want grandmother Elora to die either even though she says she will be fine. The Arch Priest made it seem as if the Teraphim want to kill the members of the church, or at least they are targeting us specifically. I've prayed now, more than ever before. Everyday even, while learning about how to be a good doctor from Grandma. I can't help anyone if I'm shaking right? So I pray even when I bandage some of the regular soldiers; the medics are taking care of the magi that are injured. I'm scared and I don't want to be. . . and angry. If the stars have so much power, if the angels are truly there for us why aren't they answering when we pray? Why is it so quiet in the church. 

Bernadette might lose her husband (the rest of the words appear smudged as if countless tears have fallen unto the ink, spoiling the writing and making the last paragraph unreadable. A shaky signature sits at the bottom.)