ꜰᴀɪʟꜱᴀꜰᴇ ✧ odin ras petrakis

[rea]

An excerpt from the journal of Prince Odin ras Petrakis,

Spring 1738

I messed up.

I came up with a plan — I was going to gather some people I could trust together, and travel to the other settlements to speak with people in power. Maybe if it wasn't Mother, if it wasn't Alex ... maybe they'd listen. Maybe they'd let me listen. Maybe there would be something that I could do to stop more people from dying. Something that could ... save the people of this City. That's what the Crown is supposed to do, right—? We're supposed to be Leonaeus, personified.  The People are supposed to be able to look up into the night sky when they're lost, and look towards the guiding star of the Crown to lead them home. To salvation.

...But, I couldn't trust the first person I asked.

...

Or, maybe, it's that I can trust him too much.

He told Alex. He let my King know that I had doubts -- Doubts that we'd talked about before, that he said that I was right to have. I told him that I thought that he was Ruling,  and not Leading. I told him that it felt like he was acting in his own intentions, rather than what Osrona needed.

He said that I was right. He agreed with me. I don't know how I feel about that.

But -

But, he's disappointed in me. He feels like I don't trust him. He feels like I don't have faith in my King.

Hearing him say that made me want to throw up. What if he hates me? What if it's actually true, and I'm just lying to myself? He's my King. I'd do anything for him. My plan was supposed to help him, it was supposed to make the people who have started doubting him believe in him, again, but —

But ... it just made him doubt me, instead.

I tried to take my sword and cut myself to prove that my life is His at any moment, but he stopped me.

I think he gets that I didn't mean it, but—

I think he's definitely lost faith in me.



I'm such a fucking idiot.