Ashes No More

[ASignalInTheNoise]

All I was left ... All I've had,

Has been ashes.

And yet here I am, having sworn to never walk the path of ash ...

... walking that lonely road.

. . .

I was taught that the blade can teach you much - that you'd learn well by the lash of it's bite and the clash of steel on steel.

And yet all I have learned is that I am awful at making decisions, awful at being a person - awful at just about everything I have put my mind to.

For every oath made, I have left behind the precious handful I could call my friends; even if we barely knew each other, they were all I had.

For every choice made, I have scorned a dozen more.

For every want I chase, I burn another bridge.

. . .

Oh, Caethir, this city ...

You are the only thing I have ever truly built.

These walls the only ears I have ever had.

I've given up so much for you - but when I look at those walls, built with my own two hands,

I start to think that it was worth it, for a moment.

Even if Adelaide isn't the Crown I swore myself to, so long ago...

. . .

I have never had a friend, really, not in the way people talk about.

Perhaps this book is the closest thing I will have to the idea that is always mentioned - someone to listen, someone to always be there.

But I know, one day, I'll turn these pages of parchment to ash, too, like just everything else I touch. Will anyone read these pages but me?

I don't think so. And maybe, that is for the best. For all my duty bound loyalty - I will hold nothing but a handful of secrets from anyone.

Everything has been sorrow. Everything has been loss.

. . .

I will not have any more ashes.

I'll burn them away in the heat of my unyielding flame.

No more suffering.

And so despised, I abandon myself.

From the crawling of men, To the dance of flames.