02-15-2025, 12:54 PM
it's been too long too terriblly long and it feels cold
but i hope you think of me as that static you see whenever you close your eyes
am i divine to you, yet?
i'm calling out, desperately, to you.
how long has it been? for me it's been years and years but
we don't play by the same rules, do we?
i see it in the reflection of your eyes.
maybe you just went to get a cup of water. maybe it's been months.
maybe we're meeting again; maybe it's the first time.
in case it is, i should reintroduce myself:
i am called tabula rasa blackdress,
but you may call me 'tab.'
nicknames like that are a sign of friendship,
where i am. i don't know if they are for you.
i hope we can be friends regardless.
friends can tell each other secrets.
you can tell me anything you want to, and i'll listen forever.
it doesn't have to be important. you can tell me just how your day went.
i have all the time in the world.
and- here, look- as a sign of trust:
i'll tell you a secret about myself, too.
here it goes:
i
am
terrified
it started- all started, as a little feeling, but it spread and spread
whenever i'm all alone i start to shake
i feel nauseous and dizzy and
i'm going to change, very soon.
and i don't know what kind of person i'm going to be on the other side.
i think the thought that terrifies me most is that
i'll be the kind of person that doesn't want to be your friend anymore.
what if i'm mean? what if i'm cruel or callous?
or- maybe worst of all
what if i simply stop caring at all?
what if this is the last time we meet, for good?
what if
you see me, a year later
and no matter how much i hope
your brain doesn't recognize me
as someone you know?
...i'm
so sorry. that was a lot to dump on you all at once, wasn't it?
i suppose in a manner of speaking;
as the macrocosmic, so too the microcosmic.
you live in the macrocosm, don't you?
this- all this, everything i am, everything i know-
it's real to you, too, but not in the same sense that it's real to me.
maybe it's a passing interest. maybe it's as close a facsimile as you can manage;
but we can't hold hands either way.
we're always going to be so very, very different in that manner,
but it doesn't mean we can't help each other.
it doesn't mean we can't be friends. it doesn't mean we can't prevent each other from feeling so alone.
i do hope our talks mean even a fraction as much to you as they do to me.
am i divine to you, yet?
because you are, to me.
to me, this is my third time talking to you. but i know you hear these talks differently; i wonder how many times now it is for you. i hope many.
oh! i have a fun little idea. maybe we can do something together.
i'd offer a game but i can't imagine it'd be very fun when you already know what i'm going to do.
so, how about this? we can share a drink, together, while you go about your day.
you can leave this moment open. you can even forget i'm here.
i'll have a glass of _________ tea.
whatever sounds best, i suppose.
i'll see you when you're ready-
goodbye, for now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
have you returned? or did you never leave?
i suppose to me it is the same;
and to you it is whichever made you happier.
either way, i am happy, too.
i wish you could see that; see me, like i can see you.
see how i smile when i know you're here.
see how i laugh, and how delighted i am to be in this moment.
but i know you cannot; so let me describe it for you, instead.
i hope every day of yours is showered with the warm caress of the sun;
or graced with a pleasant drizzle and a nice, cool atmosphere.
i hope the ground you walk on is steady, yet soft;
and a quiet tailwind guides you forward on whatever journeys you take.
i hope you are granted a lovely ambition to chase;
and the wisdom and discipline to see it through to the very end.
i hope you are healthy: in mind, in body, and in soul.
i know it's a little one sided. to you, i'm tiny; to you, i'm microcosmic;
to you i don't even really exist at all, outside of your imagination.
but since i'm here i hope you can take a moment to try feeling those feelings about yourself, just like i feel them about you.
i hope that if i believe in you hard enough, adamantly enough,
that i can affect the macrocosmic. that i can make you just the tiniest bit happier.
and oh; my time comes to a close.
but... i think you helped me a lot. i'm not so terrified, not anymore.
even if i do change. even if i do become someone like that;
you'll always have the memory of me before, still with you.
and isn't that the same thing? isn't that the important part?
you matter so so much to me in ways i struggle to put into words.
i think about you, a lot; any time we're apart, truly.
when i shut my eyes and rest, only one question remains
a foglight amidst the ocean mist:
am i divine to you, yet?
but i hope you think of me as that static you see whenever you close your eyes
am i divine to you, yet?
i'm calling out, desperately, to you.
how long has it been? for me it's been years and years but
we don't play by the same rules, do we?
i see it in the reflection of your eyes.
maybe you just went to get a cup of water. maybe it's been months.
maybe we're meeting again; maybe it's the first time.
in case it is, i should reintroduce myself:
i am called tabula rasa blackdress,
but you may call me 'tab.'
nicknames like that are a sign of friendship,
where i am. i don't know if they are for you.
i hope we can be friends regardless.
friends can tell each other secrets.
you can tell me anything you want to, and i'll listen forever.
it doesn't have to be important. you can tell me just how your day went.
i have all the time in the world.
and- here, look- as a sign of trust:
i'll tell you a secret about myself, too.
here it goes:
i
am
terrified
it started- all started, as a little feeling, but it spread and spread
whenever i'm all alone i start to shake
i feel nauseous and dizzy and
i'm going to change, very soon.
and i don't know what kind of person i'm going to be on the other side.
i think the thought that terrifies me most is that
i'll be the kind of person that doesn't want to be your friend anymore.
what if i'm mean? what if i'm cruel or callous?
or- maybe worst of all
what if i simply stop caring at all?
what if this is the last time we meet, for good?
what if
you see me, a year later
and no matter how much i hope
your brain doesn't recognize me
as someone you know?
...i'm
so sorry. that was a lot to dump on you all at once, wasn't it?
i suppose in a manner of speaking;
as the macrocosmic, so too the microcosmic.
you live in the macrocosm, don't you?
this- all this, everything i am, everything i know-
it's real to you, too, but not in the same sense that it's real to me.
maybe it's a passing interest. maybe it's as close a facsimile as you can manage;
but we can't hold hands either way.
we're always going to be so very, very different in that manner,
but it doesn't mean we can't help each other.
it doesn't mean we can't be friends. it doesn't mean we can't prevent each other from feeling so alone.
i do hope our talks mean even a fraction as much to you as they do to me.
am i divine to you, yet?
because you are, to me.
to me, this is my third time talking to you. but i know you hear these talks differently; i wonder how many times now it is for you. i hope many.
oh! i have a fun little idea. maybe we can do something together.
i'd offer a game but i can't imagine it'd be very fun when you already know what i'm going to do.
so, how about this? we can share a drink, together, while you go about your day.
you can leave this moment open. you can even forget i'm here.
i'll have a glass of _________ tea.
whatever sounds best, i suppose.
i'll see you when you're ready-
goodbye, for now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
have you returned? or did you never leave?
i suppose to me it is the same;
and to you it is whichever made you happier.
either way, i am happy, too.
i wish you could see that; see me, like i can see you.
see how i smile when i know you're here.
see how i laugh, and how delighted i am to be in this moment.
but i know you cannot; so let me describe it for you, instead.
i hope every day of yours is showered with the warm caress of the sun;
or graced with a pleasant drizzle and a nice, cool atmosphere.
i hope the ground you walk on is steady, yet soft;
and a quiet tailwind guides you forward on whatever journeys you take.
i hope you are granted a lovely ambition to chase;
and the wisdom and discipline to see it through to the very end.
i hope you are healthy: in mind, in body, and in soul.
i know it's a little one sided. to you, i'm tiny; to you, i'm microcosmic;
to you i don't even really exist at all, outside of your imagination.
but since i'm here i hope you can take a moment to try feeling those feelings about yourself, just like i feel them about you.
i hope that if i believe in you hard enough, adamantly enough,
that i can affect the macrocosmic. that i can make you just the tiniest bit happier.
and oh; my time comes to a close.
but... i think you helped me a lot. i'm not so terrified, not anymore.
even if i do change. even if i do become someone like that;
you'll always have the memory of me before, still with you.
and isn't that the same thing? isn't that the important part?
you matter so so much to me in ways i struggle to put into words.
i think about you, a lot; any time we're apart, truly.
when i shut my eyes and rest, only one question remains
a foglight amidst the ocean mist:
am i divine to you, yet?