I Wanted Wings

[AbstractTraitorHero]

Friend.

You try to give it to me; you smile upon me with a smile that I can feel. You drag me along, you clutch my claw, you bring me off the path. I can feel you; I can feel my failing heart; I can feel every part of me wanting you. I entwine my claw with your hand, you tell me not to blossom here underneath the cruel moonlight. When I've bloomed so long ago, when I've become so much more than I was & so much less all the same, when I'm stained with blood, when I'm Sinka.

Are you that Water Lotus that would have saved me? Are you that Water Lotus that bloomed in the dark despite everything trying to stop you, that when you reached the light, where you were meant to die. You screamed in denial & the world listened, everyone listened & knew it was wrong to let you wither, to let you die when you'd just reached the light.

I still remember, don't you?

That day we met?

It was over the same thing I'm fighting for now, wasn't it?

Your alive.

Because of me, aren't you? Instead of Catherine, I did it, did the impossible.

The Impossible.

Because when a life was on the line, when the chips are down, when everything is on the line, when someone's future is about to be stolen from them.

I act.

Does that make me worthy of sitting beside you. If I waited & you sat down beside me enough times, would all the blood wash off my scales, would the pain of my failures fade away. Would I manage to be Happy like you want me to be? Would I manage it or would I just not have anything left, not have any excuse, not have any justifications to stop the revolver in my cloak from being used one last time? If I step off this path, for you, for a friend, for so many people who believe in me?

How can I justify living with all that I've done, how can I stop that all from overwhelming me? How would not one shot, one bang, sends me straight to Hel not be what I deserve? How come I get to justify a happy ending for myself, beside you? When the majority of my life has caused misery for the many & joy for the few. When I can feel beneath the waves, the brine covered skulls, the bodies of people who drowned crying out for so much more. helpless like I was born as.

The Path.

It is what I deserve isn't it?
You want so badly to save me from it.
You want me to have a happy ending with you, you want to see a beautiful world.

You. Believe. In. Me.

When you shouldn't, right?
When you should leave me to break & cry upon what I've inflicted upon myself.

I love you.

You're the only one.

That makes me want to believe in them, in?



Happy endings.