Maria Malibu: An Outlaw's Journal

[Hika]

X/X/2135
My depression is back again.

I don't feel like doing anything else but drinking it all away.

Why? Why am I still so fucking weak? I did everything right. I made a powerful weapon, I mastered my magics, I spent countless hours sharpshooting and learning how to master my weapons and gadgets, why the fuck can't I do anything right?

Why is everyone else just better than me? Why? Is it because i'm mute? Is it because that's why people don't take me seriously?

I don't know why these thoughts are coming back again. I was feeling so good and...at least a little happy. At least for a while. And now it's all coming back. The memories of Lavenza, Levius, everything. All the trauma and everything i've seen. Why now? Is it because i'm drinking again? It's never done this to me before.

I'm such a weak and pathetic person. I don't even know what i'm doing. I don't know where to go, what to do, how to even begin to do anything.

I tried to play guitar again. I really, really wanted Majora and Hoshi to listen to me and listen to me play. It was one of the only things I can do to express myself and express my sorrow. After fighting with Majora, and still realizing how weak and pathetic I was. All I wanted was to play for them. All I wanted was to show them, to reach out for help in the only way i could.

And they ignored me.

I don't know if they knew how much that hurt me. Majora fell asleep, and Hoshi just...said nothing. Nothing at all to me playing my music, and pouring my heart out to them. Absolutely nothing.

Why do I even bother?

I guess i'll just pass out here in Londo's bar. Don't got anything better to do, at least.

I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry i'm not strong enough.

X/X/2135
Who am I?

And what do I want, really?

I ask myself this question everyday. As I trek Meranthe, trying to find ways to make me stronger, do I find myself always asking the same question. What am I even doing this for? It feels like i'm living a fantasy. But what good is a fantasy when I am not even enjoying it anymore? I'm still weak. And it doesn't matter how hard I try to obtain strength, it's always out of reach for me. What good is a gunslinger that can't even protect her friends? That can't protect those close to me?

Is that why i'm scared? Of getting into a relationship?

Esoti and I we...had a talk the other night. I admit, I do like the boy. He's dorky and kind and oh, so sweet. I really have fallen for him. But he deserves someone better than me. Someone's who's not so selfish and full of herself. Someone who's not so damn depressed. He says i'm worth worrying over, but i'm really not. Sure, the boy is a bit clingy, but he's sweet. And i'd probably accept him if it wasn't for some private issues he has. I appreciate him being honest with me, but I cannot date him knowing that i'll go behind his back and break his heart. And I felt so awful telling him that. It broke my heart just as much as his.

My world is turning so black. And I find myself remembering the words of that gunslinger so long ago. 'Keep your head up' he said. Gosh, it's so damn hard Mr Buster. I really wish I knew how you did it, keeping your head up, despite everything.

I really wish I knew how you did it.

I could use your sage wisdom right about now. For this path i am taking? It feels wrong. It feels so, so wrong.

I don't know what to do.

X/X/2135
You know what they say, mm? An owner of a lonely heart is much better than an owner of a broken one.

Momma used to play that song for me. Not sure where it came from, but I always felt as if it resonated within her, that song. I learned it, just for her. Now, I know I was a bit drunk...but I played it for her. The song that she had sung to me when I was a little girl, way back when. I never knew how much this song might have meant to momma, what it might have meant for a woman like her who has suffered so much. An owner of a lonely heart was better than one with a broken one it used to say. I was never sure why, but this song always resonated with me. As someone with a lonely heart herself, how could it not?

I loved every moment, singing this to momma. I finally spoke a full sentence. I don't know how it happened, I just reached deep into my heart and it came out. If for a moment I could spark momma's heart again, it would mean the world to me. I hope I did that last night. As...drunk as I might have been.

Momma and I are getting close again. People see her as such a stoic and cold woman, but I know who she is deep down. She's just...broken. Just like myself and just like so many others. Someone with a lonely heart. I guess this song is a warning. Who knows how many time's momma's heart was broken.

Maybe it's best that I remain lonely for now.

Anyway, I should get back to it. I'm feeling better now. Majora and Hoshi may not have heard me, but Momma did. And that means the world to me.

More than anything.

X/X/2135
He's dead.

Vyldrax.

The bastard's dead.

And I feel empty.

I don't know what to feel. All of that training, all of that sharpshooting, all of those spars, for nothing. The only thing I lived for up until today was the fact that someday, i'd come face to face with him again. To put a bullet in between his eyes, and walk my path knowing I finally gave Levius his justice. His redemption.

Now? I'll never get the chance.

I feel...angry? Relieved? I'm unsure how to explain it better. I feel nothing. I feel as if all of that training and effort, everything i've worked up toward has been for nothing. I wish I could have helped them, I wish I could have been there to see his final moments. To see the look in his eyes as he takes his final breath, and see him dragged to hell where he belongs. 

I'm unsure what to do now. My vengeance and redemption for Levius has been taken from me. I suppose in a way, he was given the justice he deserved. But not by me. And it makes me unsure if I ever deserved to give him that in the first place.

I suppose all I can do is move on. I have a lot to do, still. A lot to look forward too. As much as it pains me to say it, I can't die just yet. And while I feel empty, i'm hoping that sometime soon, i'll be given the purpose I have been waiting for all along.

At least I was able to fight Vyldrax in his final days. I didn't win, of course. I might as well have been going on a suicide mission. I'm not sure what came over me, but i'd rather die than let that bastard get the satisfaction of killing me. Of course, i lost the fight, but I did not give him that satisfaction. I was about to pull the gun to my lips, until I suddenly shot to my side. I opened a portal for the first time in such a long time, and denied that bastard any sense of satisfaction from killing me. All he saw was me spitting in his face.

I bet he took that to grave, knowing I was the one that got away.

I'm still worthy, though. I'm still worthy of the Lifestream. I discovered that during that terrible night. I was whisked away into the ocean, and given another chance. 

I suppose it's about time I study the Lifestream again. It saved my life, I might as well try my best. To become the Wayfinder I know I was meant to be.

Vyldrax is dead, and my path is open. To what end? I don't know. But I suppose I'll find out when I walk it.

Levius and Lavenza would want me to move on. It's only fair that I do. For them.

And for myself.

"It was after Vyldrax's death at the hands of another that I found myself truly and utterly empty. For the first time in a long time, my heart felt nothing. Everything that I had been working toward, everything i've fought for, it felt as if it was all for nothing. Others had taken away my revenge and my justice for Levius. What else did I have to live for?"

"The Lifestream had saved my life, that night. If it wasn't for me activating that portal, I would have been in the grave just the same as Levius and Lavenza. I didn't want to give Vyldrax that satisfaction. Escaping him and spitting on his face? That was the most satisfaction I could ever have before he met his fate. I know he took that to the grave, the hatred that he let me get away. As much as it pains me, knowing that I wasn't the one to kill him myself?"

"I suppose beggar's cant be choosers."

"This was the at the point of my life that I finally tried to discover my true self. No longer would I live a fantasy, no longer would I try to become something I wasn't. I would be who I wanted too. I would not live up to anyone but myself, nor would I cling to any morals or ideals besides the one's that clung true to my heart."

"Levius's and Lavenza's death would not be in vain. It was time for me to move on. To be who I was truly meant to be."

"And even if the world was against me, even if I felt alone in the shadows of it all."

"I wouldn't stop fighting."

"I was born for a purpose, a purpose you'll find fulfilled in the pages of my journal. My transformation into a scared, anxious, and mute little girl."

"Into the gunslinger and outlaw I was meant to be"

"For Lavenza, for Levius, for my family."

"And for me."

"I'd live my legacy."

"I'll be the best gunslinger who has ever lived."

Chapter 4: The Gunslinger

Current Projects and Development:

Wayfinding:

Such a popular fad nowadays, isn't it? Seems like everyone and their mother knows how to tear open a Lifestream portal. Momma was lucky I didn't try doing Riftmancy. Lucky for her, I have some respect for the family legacy. Not much...b-but some. I've been studying since I was a kid. About nine years old, when I started dusting off books on Wayfinding theory and Lifestream theorems. Lavenza was always better at understanding all that complex physics and math stuff. They never really got the chance to become a Wayfinder, you know? But I won't let that be in vain.

I will become a Wayfinder. I feel something deep in my bones. That I was always meant to learn about the Lifestream. It's so hard to explain.

I suppose I won't know if I don't try.

Log One: First Steps

Before I started opening portals, I had to learn the basics. Basic theorem and physics were all I read about until I finally opened my first portal. The basics of forming runic sequences in a strict, precise method, connecting all of those little strings until you can finally open a portal. My first attempt was mostly a success, I found myself lacking in some areas. I needed some sort of crutch to practice with, that being infusing the runic sequences into my pistol. It was a start, of course. But I couldn't hang on to such a crutch forever.

Training wheels, I'd call it. Better than nothing, of course. But there was always more to unveil.

Log Two: Pull the Trigger

I had no real progress with my Wayfinding studies until Fauste had decided to mentor me. She's a kind woman, and much more knowledgeable than I can ever dare to be. For the longest time I was relying on a crutch to help me connect my runic sequences together. Fauste made some adjustments to the runes, making the whole process so much easier! I hope I made her proud! It was a tiny little thing, but I was able to teleport a stool a few feet away! I have never done anything like that before in my life! It was second step of many. It was all coming together at this point, little by little, those little sequences. I didn't have to use Levius's pistol as a crutch anymore. I needed to start remembering each and every sequence. But as I came to discover...

It was...easier said than done.

Still, I was a natural at the metaphysical. Plus, knowing the Null Hypothesis made it easier for me to grasp the concepts of manipulating the Lifestream. Things just started to click together. Something in my blood, I guess? Or maybe Momma passed down her good genes to little ol' me? It wasn't easy...but...

I wouldn't say it was hard, either.

Log Three: Trial and Error 

My idea of Wayfiinding is a little bit different than most. I use a projectile motion algorithm to send bullets straight through the Lifestream, 'carving' a portal as they enter and exit the 'wound' in reality. And before you ask, no it's not 'hurting' the lifestream like Riftmancy. It's still following the basic principles of trajectory, runecasting, and all of that. Of course, at this point I was still missing something. I was still using a crutch. Lavenza guided me on how to properly use my 'catalyst' for the lifestream. That being, of course, my pistol. And of course, a deeper understanding of [Convergence]. The two things holding be back, that I was finally able to hone my knowledge and my skills.

That is, until we were interrupted by a few...unsavory figures.

Still, this was one of the last moments I had with Lavenza before their death. They taught me so much in such little time. I only wish they were still here to see the woman I became, and the Wayfinder i'd eventually be.

I know they'd be proud.

Log Five: Just Like Me

It only took for me to be on the brink of death for me to open my very first portal.

Of course, it flung me a day into the future and left me with a variety of injuries. But I success is a success...right?

Ever since Lavenza's death, I had been unsuccessful at opening any portal besides small, tiny ones that can send objects a few feet away. I learned how to not rely so much on my crutch, and simply use my pistol and rifle as catalysts for opening the Lifestream. I developed my own method, sending specially made bullets to carve through the Lifestream and open portals. Of course, it meant I had to use my rifles as catalysts, and it meant I simply couldn't use it on my own. But the method worked, for what it was worth. Even if for small objects for small distances.

But something changed.

I fought that girl, Mari. And being so full of adrenaline, on the verge of death, I felt something in my bones. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I was able to escape by opening a portal. All those runes i've been practicing suddenly just formed into my head, I pulled the trigger...and there I was.

I was flung a day into the future, falling straight into Gloomlight, as Kateto was left to take care of my wounds. My very first portal, and the first of many.

I was proud, that day. Even if those words still lingered in my skull.

I wonder...am I still just like you, Mari?

Are we still the same?

Log Six: Redemption

Such an anti climactic end.

I guess Vyldrax deserved no better. Did I deserve better? Oh, of course I did. I deserved to be the one to put a bullet between his skull. The battle in it's entirety really doesn't matter. What happened after the fact was much, much more important. I was able to open a portal again. Again, the same thing that happened when I fought Mari. All that adrenaline, and all of those runes flashing in my mind until I simply...pulled the trigger. These two events mean that I had the potential to use the Lifestream. The potential to be a Wayfinder...

All I had to do was harness that. That feeling...

That power...

Log Seven:

Telepathy:

Everyone knows that i've always been a mute. Ever since I was a kid, Momma always said I was a quite child. I never spoke a word, or wanted to speak to anyone. I learned how to read and write, but never how to speak. I was always unsure why I was never able to speak. Momma checked my vocal cords herself, and they were completely in tact. I hypothesize that it always had something to do with my mana circuits. Or maybe just me being a extremely shy and lonely kid. I believe it's a mixture of the two. Undeveloped mana circuits, along with me being stunted in social growth as a kid. Again, I was very shy and alone. I didn't spend much time outside with other kids, and there's a good chance that i decided to just...not talk. And that has stunted my growth ever since.

Telepathy has always been something handy that allowed me to talk to others. Those with the knowledge of Telepathy can easily sneak into my mind and speak to me just as they would anyone else. People such as Yuki and Kateto, this has been a godsend with. It makes it so much easier to communicate with others, rather than just flapping my hands around and forcing people to read my lips.

This is a collection of my experiences with Telepathy. And of course, how I eventually learned it. A neat trick. And luckily, so, so much easier to learn than Wayfinding...

Log Zero: Sunrise Parabellum

While this is more or less something I remember for Lavenza showing me the first steps of Lavender Moon. I also remember it for it being the first time I had...ever heard my own voice. It was some sort of illusion magic that Lavenza had done, but it allowed me to see the truth that was hidden deep down in my heart.

A truth I never knew I had. And a voice that i'd never forget.

It was me.

I still wish I could thank Lavenza for opening that path for me.

Log One: Projection

A simple little thing. But it was my introduction to any form of Telepathy. I learned I could project my thoughts when Lavenza activated a set of runes in Illusion magic to allow me to project them to others. A simple and temporary trick, but it helped in allowing me to understand the concept. And know that there was a chance for me to speak without speaking, so to...speak.

You get what I mean.

Log Two: Opening

All it took was a simple little opening, and i'd be able to practice talking with others through Telepathy. Before this, i've had conversations with others who knew Telepathy such as Kateto and Yuki, with Yuki herself giving me that 'opening' of my circuits to allow myself to project my thoughts. I'm unsure exactly of what she did, but her prayer allowed my circuits to open, and in a way, I finally opened myself up to others. My thoughts and my feelings were always closed off from other people. I guess all it took was me opening myself a bit. I had alot to learn still, even after this. But i was getting there. That 'feeling' of knowing when and where to attach myself to someone and project my thoughts was starting to form, and of course, it was thanks to miss Yuki.

Who said you weren't a hero, mm?

Log Three: Truth

Again, this was another experience of opening my circuits to someone else. I didn't get it at this point, but all it took for me to project my thoughts onto someone was to 'connect' myself to them. For Majora, it was easy, considering he was my brother. I just grabbed his palm, honed in to that feeling, opened my circuits, and he was able to hear me. For the first time in forever, he was able to hear my truth.

But this was just one moment. I didn't exactly get it, at this point, nor did I understand telepathy to it's fullest...but I was getting there.

I was finding my truth. I was finding my voice, one step at a time.

Log Four: Voice

Momma heard my voice that night. I was drunk off my mind, but she still heard my voice. Again, I didn't get it then, but all it took was me touching her, echoing my voice into her head. I opened myself up to momma for the first time in forever, that night. And she did the same for me. She heard my voice, as well as I heard hers. I know it meant the world to her, to hear this stupid rural little girl's voice echo in her head.

I just remember being so happy. It was thanks to Yuki that I was able to do this. She opened up my circuits and allowed me to express myself to others. It feels good, you know? Not having to be so alone.

Knowing that I finally have a voice.

Log Five: Hurt

I didn't know that Telepathy can hurt someone. I tried to do my little trick to Tab, only to realize that it hurt her so badly, it left her in both tears and on the ground. To this day, I can't forgive myself for hurting her like that. I suppose on the bright side, it meant that my Telepathy was getting a little stronger? I had been practicing with people as of late, of course. My stupid ass didn't realize what was holding me back...

Something i'd find out soon enough


Log Six: Silence

It was during this little get together, that I learned of what allowed me to use Telepathy. It was touch, opening myself to others, and allowing their circuits to flow with my own. I was quite literally opening my heart to them. My thoughts, my voice, and all. It was all...interlinked with my circuits. And as I would come to find out, the reason for me being mute.

My next practice with Telepathy would be a breakthrough, as you'd soon come to see. And for the first time in my entire life...

I'd finally have my voice.

Log Seven: Breathe

While I had been practicing telepathy and it's concepts for quite a while, this was the first time I had a mentor to truly teach me about it's inner workings and my psionic circuits. Sure, I had been able to speak to people by connecting my mana circuits, but the true key was allowing myself to fully adapt to my psionic circuits and allow myself to project it onto others. It was a rather unorthodox class, but I would say it gave me a glimpse into what Telepathy truly was, as well as the concepts surrounding it. Miss Sterling had us each take a glimpse into our innate mana circuits and awaken the ones responsible for psionics. I felt...odd, though. Whatever Sterling did, that tear in reality had made me so...unnerved. I felt something watching me. Even as I sat there meditating and grasping to my innate psionic circuits, I felt as if...I was nothing. It's an odd feeling.

If I only knew what I had in store for me.

Log Eight: Glimpse:
Never in my life have I felt so...

Relieved.

It's hard to explain. My second lesson with Miss Sterling had me glimpse deeper into whatever realm she was attuned too. Once again, that presence was there. It felt so...unnerving. Yet relieving too? I felt as if I was nothing. My entire world nothing but a blank darkness for...I don't know how long. I remember seeing and feeling absolutely nothing. Just like last time, I meditated and made a deeper link to my psionic circuits. I can feel myself able to echo my thoughts to other's easier now. Everytime I do, however. I still feel as if something is...watching me.

It happens every now and them. A glimpse in the corner of my eye, or sometimes I jolt from my bed, finding a hand on my shoulder. It's just nightmares, i'm pretty sure. Or some aftereffect of awakening my psionic circuits. I just need a bit more practice to control it. And i'll be on way to being a Telepath in not time.

Though, whatever that realm was...

I hope to visit it again someday.

That darkness? Feeling nothing? It's...really comforting.

I wish I knew how to explain it.

Removing Shadow:

Shadow Magic has always been an innate quality of mine. I can't quite explain it, but it comes...very naturally to me. It always had, ever since I was a child. It was the first magic I learned I can summon right besides Gravity. Gravity magic had a bit of a learning curve, learning how to properly control your metaphysical magic, learn calculations on how to properly and legally manipulate the world, all of that. Shadow magic? It came right out of the box for me. I just...flicked my hand and there it was. A seeping pile of black goop, right out of my palm. It wasn't until I got older that I realize why it came so easily to me.

It was because I was in pain.

I am unsure if I inherited it from my other parent, or if it's just something that manifested from my sorrow. But it always came so naturally. It was at it's strongest when I was depressed. I could conjure shadow clones and shoot bullets with trails of black that would inflict you with the worst pain imaginable when I was at my best. My best, being ironically, my worst.

I hated it. I hated everything about it.

My shadow magic wasn't like the others who wielded it. I knew that for a while. It held me back, it really did. It held me back from the person I wanted to be. It was so easy to use it as a crutch, but was that darkness really who I was? I wasn't sure.

These are my attempts to 'wash' away the magic from my circuits. Oddly enough, it would coexist with my speech therapy. The better I got at speaking and Sound magic, the worse my Shadow magic became. There was no balance. I was either depressed and diving deep into my sorrow for that strength, or I was nothing.

Any further, and it would be so easy for me to learn black magics...

I didn't want too, however. I didn't want to rely on a crutch to be strong. So these are my attempts to wash away my magic and my attempts at speech therapy. Of course, it coincides with me learning Sound magic! And...learning how to play my guitar. What? What's a cowgirl that doesn't know how to play guitar?

Well, here you are. The shadows of my heart. Left laid to bear.

Log One: Come as You Are.

I have always been a depressed and lonely little girl. For as long as I can remember, I felt like an outsider. I never belonged anywhere. I felt more comfortable in my room, reading my little stories and imagining myself in the place of those heroes. I also loved music. I remember momma playing for us from time to time. It was rare when she did. Maybe after a few bottles of wine she'd pull out her guitar and play us something. She used to be a musician of some sort way back then when she was our age. Or something like that, I think. Something or someone hurt momma enough that it made it hard for her to pick up that guitar again and simply play. I guess a part of me just felt bad. So when I was little, amongst all the Wayfinding studies and everything else, I learned how to pick up the guitar. Of course, what cowgirl is truly a cowgirl without knowing how to play?

Whenever I was sad or lonely, i'd remember these songs. I'd remember momma playing for me. It made me forget about everything for just a moment. It made me happy. Momma and I share alot of feelings, I like to think. It's no wonder I can use Shadow magic.

I remember playing for Hoshi and Majora. Majora...fell asleep. And Hoshi didn't really have anything to say. It hurt me. The one single thing that made me feel better, the one time I try to express myself to someone else...i'm ignored. I suppose i'm used to it at this point. But that really hurt me, you know? It made the Shadow's worse.

I was depressed for a time after that. I thought I can finally move away from my grief and my sorrow by playing music, only to learn my audience didn't really care.

Of course, i'm stubborn It would take more than that for me to give up. I knew I can move on. And that's exactly what I did.

I moved on.

The shadows in my heart wouldn't control me anymore.

Log Two: Owner of a Lonely Heart.

It's much better than an owner of a broken one.

Momma and I are kindred souls, somewhat. I suppose if I inherited anything from her, it was her grief and her depression. As well as her stubbornness...and her talent for pissing people off. But playing for Momma is some of the best memories I have. She may not show it, but I know she appreciates me honing some of her musical skill. I know my first attempt to play for my family failed, but my second? It made me so happy. So warm, to know I share a heart with my momma.

Even if I was a bit drunk, I felt the shadows waning away. For just a little moment, it all felt as if everything was coming together.

I hope I made her proud. It was the first time in a while too, that I finally...spoke. I'm unsure how or why I did it. But all I know is one thing during that moment.

I didn't feel so scared anymore.

Log Three: Horse with No Name.

One of my favorites. I played this for Esoti on our first 'date'. I was reminded of it because of his horse, Blasthoof. Even though his horse...did have a name, it reminded me of this song! Again, I felt happy playing this for him. If only I knew of the sorrow to come...but for the moment?

All was right in the world.

The shadows were moving away, ever so slowly. I didn't feel as if I had to harness them anymore. But what were these shadows? And why did I become so naturally attuned to them?

I'd find out soon, what those shadows in my heart truly were.

(Prelude)
Log Four: Love Buzz

What I did to Tab?

It's hard to forgive myself.

That night, I was unsure what came over me. Some mixture of confusion, love, and...lust. Even now, it's awkward to talk to her. We don't really talk about that night, and of course I apologized to both her and Aricles. But it still feels wrong, that I did that to her. No manner of apology or begging can make it feel right in my heart. 

But I did it to myself.

After some research, I began to realize that my Shadow magic was forming into something...darker. It made me impulsive, emotional, and angry. More than usual. It felt like my entire soul was being ripped apart by nothing but darkness. And really? It was no wonder why the Void felt so good to me.

It's likes second nature.

But if I am to become the person I want to be, I had to get rid of it. All of it Every single inch of darkness inside of me. It didn't matter if it broke me, if it caused excruciating pain. I knew it needed to go.

I needed to move on.

It had been years since Lavenza and Levius's deaths. And I was still full of grief and sorrow, unable to move on. There was so much darkness in me, I needed someone's help to finally relieve me of all my pain and burdens.

I don't understand why Tab and Aricles carried my burdens, especially after what I did to them. But they did.

And it's because of them, that I didn't become a shadow of myself.

That I didn't give in.

Log Five: Gimme Shelter

While Aricles and Tab siphoned out much of my burdens. It was Kateto that did the brunt, and the rest of the job. There was still much darkness inside of me. All of the pain and sorrow i've lived in my life, still holding me back. I couldn't move on until I finally got rid of it all. What better than an Absorption magi and a witch to take on my burdens and my sorrow? To help me move on from it all?

I knew that if I didn't give up the shadows in my heart, they'd twist into something...evil. There's an innate darkness inside of me. Something so deep and buried. I can feel it. Every time my emotions unfurl or I get angry or depressed, it just overwhelms me. It feels so natural to be sad. But why? 

I never knew my other parent. Whoever they were...maybe they were the culprit. Shadow magic was the first magic I ever summoned, and it felt so easy and natural to control. All of the pain and sorrow, fueling each and every shadow. And yet, I knew I couldn't be at my best if I didn't move on from my sorrow. My grief and my scars are still there...

But they don't hold me back anymore.

Kateto took my burdens for me. Each and every memory, each and every single sorrow i've ever faced in my life. They took it all for me. They gave me a second chance...a chance to finally move on.

And for that?

I will always love them.

It is because of you, Kateto. That I was finally able to move on from the shadows of my heart.

Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart.

Gunslinger Stance*:


Project Lavender Moon:

My magnum opus, my attempt at a relic for the Malibu family would be my Project Lavender Moon. The very thing i'd poor my blood, sweat, and tears into. It would be my family's first relic, and a reminder of all of those we have lost, and those we can still save.

Lavender Moon was originally Lavenza's idea. It was a rifle under a different name, made for Levius to wield. It was a very meticulous and planned out project, with the rifle having more features than a damn armory. Of course, this would also mean that it would require many rare and valuable materials to bring to life. After us Malibu's got audited...we didn't have many of those anymore! Or a lot of money! Meaning that i'd have too...adapt.

Of course, I still have plenty of Arcanium and a rare midnight colored ore to use for it's prototype. As well as Lavenza's blueprints. I put my own spin and adjustments to the blueprints, switching it from a bolt action mana rifle to a lever action, and of course, putting my own adjustements. I still kept many of the ideas from Lavenza's original plans. The adjustable rune-sights, an easy to repair and replace frame, runic sequences allowing for the rifle to adapt specifically to Metaphysical magics, all that noise.

Suffice to say, this rifle means alot to me. I'd take the approach of making a simple prototype and upgrading it from there. It's design made it so it was very easy to switch out materials or adjust the nature of it's make. This rifle isn't just for me, it's for Lavenza and Levius. It's my contribution to the Malibu family. It's our relic, and it's our legacy.

Everything about Lavender Moon represents us. So again, suffice to say.

I won't let this simply be just another rifle.

But our rifle, to pass on for generations to come.

Log One: Sunrise Parabellum
I remember this well, the first time Lavenza ever showed me their blueprints for Lavender Moon. It was called something different back then. Of course, I put my own adjustments and renamed it since then to fit myself rather than Levius. These were simply the blueprints for something special. I admit, Lavenza did alot of the work. I simply put my own adjustments and remade many of the configurations to fit my own fighting style. But still, it was something special. And I still plan to have those words engraved onto it.

Sunrise Parabellum.

For those we have lost, and for those we can still save.

Log Two: The Making of Lavender Moon.

It took a long while, and many, MANY hours of work. But Kateto and I finished our first prototype of Lavender Moon. I was successfully able to create it! Though there are some kinks I still have to work out. Of course, I specifically made this weapon so that I can upgrade it in the future when I had better materials. But this was the first time I ever found myself with something special to call my own. A rifle that can break through reality, and be my loyal companion for years to come.

Of course, Lavender Moon was still a baby at this point. Much had to be done still! And many ores had to be acquired. To make Lavender Moon into something truly, truly special.

Log Three: Yet to Be Written

This was the first time that I showed the finished product to both Kateto and Majora. Of course, this was also right after I finished my field testing and deemed it ready for combat. Again, Lavender Moon was simply a baby at this point. A prototype that needed much more testing and many more rare ores to upgrade it with. It was mostly an Arcanium frame, but Prismanthium and Eternite, as well as Austeria would be nice to have. Some unique items as well, to make Lavender moon into something truly special. All it really has going for it is that ore that Majora gave me that I infused it with. Sure, it's nice. But it can be something much, much more.

Alas, the future is yet to be written. And I find myself...excited to see what I come up with next.

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