I Don't Know Who I Am

[ry0un0suke]

. . .
I don't know why I feel the way I do. I've come to a few conclusions that it may be best to not talk about my feelings at all. After all I typically do not feel better and it is often misunderstood. So I have been expressing myself in other ways and sitting in Her presence and sitting in silence. At the very least I do not feel misunderstood and unheard... but I do not give people the opportunity to because on the times I do, it comes down to this. I wonder why I feel this way or when it started. Likely it has been there the entire time. I should find my curiosity again... I pray it is not too late. Sixty-two autumns too late.
. . .
The empty mind

clings most

to distant

echoes

conjured

from memory.

 

I remember gaps

that I fill

with horrors

as joy knows

few places

at first recollection.
 
Mother,
I smile a lot less
for reasons I know not
and I try to
some days
now harder than most.